Oh thou joyful day!!!

oh thou joyful day!!! how would i have imagined i'd be saying that, even thinking that, only about 6 hours ago?!? such a strange thing, isn't it, mood... and how fickle a creature i am...

unfortunate thing it's been to notice how i'm drifting further and further from my parents as time goes on... not simply distance-wise (well, i'm still living at home with them), or time-wise for that matter (although i suppose there's some truth to their complaint that they hardly see me anymore...) i kept thinking, "why can't they understand me?!?" - it's a breakdown in the family bonds that we always have had, but now they seem so fragile... i think it's partly to do with diverging ideals (them not being Christians), my increasingly independent lifestyle, partly the generation gap, but quite surely there's an element of fear involved as well... fear that their control over me is diminishing... - fear is a lot about lack of control... and lack of trust...

i can relate to similar fears in my own life, fears about other ppl, fears that surface motives only served to hide more sinister purposes... i can seem to be the eternal cynic sometimes... ;p the fact that i don't control their lives (more on this another time, there was a time when i believed firmly that i had control over every single happening in the universe!!! - delusions of grandeur?!? crazy me... perhaps i'll explain it another time, and it will make sense!!!), along with feelings of utter worthlessness or insignificance have at times plagued me with fear... i can't say that this is the same thing as what's happening to my parents, but definitely, the lack of control, lack of trust thing has heaps to do with it...

it's probably largely my fault tho!!! i don't tell them anything, according to them... which is probably true in some ways... - i tell one parent sometimes (usually my dad), and expect that they both know from then on... it's terrible... they probably think i'm leading a secret life or something... - that certainly can't help the trust factor, although the lack of control factor is something that we all have to deal with, and come to accept...

so yah, my parents were complaining about 6hr ago... all about how i'm so different now... and how i don't tell them anything... and how my life is being dominated by people other than them... and how they seem to think that i'm throwing my life away, not seeming to care about anything, being grumpy all the time etc... and i'm here thinking, what could be further than the truth?!? i'm living for God, caring about life and having a motive to do things, and really, i couldn't be happier!!! ;p (apart from this grumbling about getting along with my parents and stuff... uh huh...) - but i can see that this could be hurting them... - seeing me happy, seeing me being set free, while they lose the tight control they've had on me for most of my life... perhaps i should do my part, and be more thankful, and be more communicative to them about what goes on in my life... at least let them share in my joy, and attempt to help them experience the same joy that we have in Christ... it's so selfish of me to be withholding such treasures, such truth, back from them...

;p anyhow, happiness!!! so glad to be celebrating xmas, going to Sal's old school's xmas service tomorrow night!!! will be heaps of fun... - so much to be thankful for today as well... - met Sal's friend who came down from the backwaters of sydney (oh, okay, note entirely accurate, i think he's actually from north shore or something?!? with mansions overlooking the harbour and grandiose yachts moored at the front...), his name is also David... ;p luckily Sal's got her innovative methods of differentiating between us - i'm "Dave", he's "David"... and everyone seems to have caught on... ;p maybe i should change my name by deed poll, so it becomes official... friend's concert today too... nice music!!! really enjoyed Elaine's wonderful rendition of Liszt's captivating "un sospiro", something that i'll remember for some time yet!!! playing violin today, starting to sound really good (mendelssohn concerto, hehe...) - and catching up with mel, shaz & gal... before shaz & gal jetset next week to their respective elective sites, china & scotland... well, with more than a few stopovers... ;p have fun, both of u!!!

so, joyful mood now... strangeness... ;p i don't understand my moods... ickle fickle me...

verse for the day?!? - oh well, i think i spoke a bit of fear earlier... i think it's a natural thing to fear, when we learn to rely on ourselves... we feel the need to control everything... and don't trust others with things that are dear to us... sometimes we need to let go... we need fear only our God... but it's a reverent fear, one that keeps us accountable, and full faith and trust is found in our Lord... so we need never fear anything else!!! ;p our reward is eternal, our treasures in heaven, if we only fear the Lord and trust in his goodness, his kindness, his love, infinite grace and mercy, made available to us through the amazing truth revealed in Jesus Christ himself... so here's a passage from 1 John 4:11-21... and remember, in love there is no fear!!! ;p

in Christ,
dave

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.