but i'm really sorry to all those ppl (especially my parents) to whom i've caused so much disappointment... it's my own fault that i haven't worked as efficiently or in as targeted a manner as i should have, in order to learn for my exams properly... i think i can be blamed for not having taken full advantage of the sample question papers that they supplied to write out model answers for me to recall and put on the page in the exam!!! i suppose i have lots of complaints about the way the assessment of this block has been carried out, but i should not use that, in any way, as an excuse for my hopeless, appalling results that reflect my hopeless, appalling effort...
now, what's happened - my parents, being the concerned, compassionate ppl they are, have begun to "advise" me, belittle me, tell me i don't understand anything, give me accusatory looks... i know i have disappointed them terribly!!! but i should see things from their point of view - they've put so much effort and resources into bringing me up, and now i go and screw up this set of exams... unfaithful child, i am... disobedient, rebellious child who doesn't know any better than to sate his own selfish desires... worse still, i spend all my time on misplaced priorities... i.e. anything apart from eating, sleeping and studying... i should stop spending any time reading anything other than medical books, looking at anything other than anatomy atlases, writing anything other than model answers for exams, going out to anything other than lectures... give up anything to do with religion, give up all my friends... give up everything i care about, basically... and my parents know best, and i have to grow up!!!
- yes, i am a child, who needs to grow up... i trust that God will help me do exactly that... i pray that, through what looks like it'll be a long year or more of struggles with my parents ahead (for whom i pray, that they will come to understand me better, and more importantly, that they come to know the Lord), i will be strengthened, and that i will, by God's spirit, mature into a more holy, diligent, knowledgable student... i cannot do any of these things on my own...
apologies also go to God, whose grace has allowed me to petition to Him for peace... nothing has changed, i still fall so far short of the standards we are called to aspire to and live for, Jesus... God's peace has, so far, allowed me to control myself and keep most of my temper under a lid, thanks be to God!!! and thanks to God also, that we celebrate Jesus' birth in a few days' time, a reminder of the new life, the new hope given to us for the future!!! we have every reason to rejoice!!!
also, wishing to thank u, my friends, for all your support, confidence and encouragement... it is u who help me to experience God daily, and i hold hope for a continuing, strengthening relationship with all of u as time goes on!!! - there is no way i would ever, ever, give up the fellowship, friendship, enjoyment and understanding that u have shared with me!!!
in times of difficulty, i like to remember this, from Hebrews 13:5-6
... God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we sayGod, be my guide... set my ways straight... i am not worthy to be called your child, but through Jesus, we can call you Father... so, heavenly Father, perfect love, thank you for everything, for life, for hope... i have faith that You will take care of everything... i shall march forward in confidence and face the struggles as You would have me do... and, through Your triumphs, may Your glory shine brightly before the world!!! in Jesus' most precious name i pray, amen...
with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man
do to me?”
ps... - today's odb is so uplifting!!! God will bring us through all our trials... there is no question about that!!!
2 comments:
What's a h3? Is that like the highest mark you can get?
Gareth
hmmmz, not quite ;p haha... - h3 is actually quite low... like between 65 & 70%... not the lowest mark i've ever got (i've had a pass, b/w 50 & 65%, b4)... but this time it's in a subject that counts heaps towards the total credit for the degree...
really need to try to make up for it next semester... i worked out kinda why it's not going to affect my scholarship... - it's treated as an yearlong subject that goes from midway thru this year past, to halfway thru next year... - i have another subject that's to be completed in the next semester - and the weighted average (which must be above 70%) of both these 2 subjects will determine whether i am allowed to continue with the scholarship or not...
so praise God!!! - it's such a relief to have this kind of reprieve... kinda like the non-elimination rounds in the amazing race... - jus hoping that things go alrite so i am able to take advantage of this mercy given me this time... ;p
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