Beautiful sunset...

's the time for wishing everyone a happy new year!!!

i guess not everything goes according to one's plans, but that's alrite... i'm learning to see things from a greater point of view than my own... was at the beach earlier, running, and witnessed the most gorgeous sunset!!! a pale rose halo was the only remnant of the last sun to be seen this yr, and as it retreated behind the horizon, it left its meek reflection on the clouds above... ready to renew its energy to shine forth once more on a fresh year...

the sun is tireless, patient, and bright as ever!!! so my spirit is reminded to forget its current troubles and to march on, knowing that it partakes in greater things than these petty struggles...

anywayz, my run... - i got to see a firework go off!!! jus one firework... ;p but yah... haha... - anywayz, when i came to the top of a cliff (about 10km into my run and about 1.5L of fluid lost by this time, i'd guess) - and realisations about my recent silliness and strangeness began to set in... i'm beginning to recognise those things within me that make things so difficult... my own shortcomings that i'm so unwilling to accept at times... stubbornness, unwillingness to surrender, pride, jealousy, impatience, rudeness etc... - these things are symptoms of a fallen soul... but at least i'm improving in some way, i'm learning to recognise and describe these things in me... - it's a bit like medicine, half the battle is to be able to describe adequately the problem and its context... so, sets forth the tasks for the coming year (resolutions, as many like to call them) - to renew my commitment to Christ, to continue following Christ in the paths of righteousness (going some way to remedying those problems inherent in my sinful nature), to love God, to bear the cross and love those i am called to love (not only those who love me), to study hard and do well in my final year, to improve my relationship with my parents...

some reflections on a year gone by - imho, the best yr of my life so far - grown so much in my walk with God (tho, there's an ever increasing awareness of how much more God has in store for all of us!!!), met so many awesome ppl - including meeting the love of my life ;p , strengthened several of my close friendships, started going to sscoc, witnessed so many awesome things in medicine (from births to cochlear implants), witnessed some tragedies too... i don't think i've ever upset my parents this much b4 either... but the tsunami disaster sure puts a lot of my troubles into perspective...

so much has happened this year... yet, in some ways, so much has stayed the same... i am still here, in my little cocoon, watching God's amazing creation from an amazing vantage point... and i'll still be here in a year's time, and hopefully for many more to come!!!

anywayz - i guess, here i am in a place nowhere exciting by most ppl'z standards, in front of my computer at home on new year's eve!!! but i'm in the midst of God's exciting creation, and nobody can take that away from me ;p - i suppose i'm resigned to a night of quietude... retreat into my cocoon and spend the turn of the year in a somewhat strangely sober mid-summer's hibernation, to patiently await my deliverance... ;p

happy new year!!!

dave

Psalm 130

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD ;
2 O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

3 If you, O LORD , kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?

4 But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.

5 I wait for the LORD , my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
6 My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD ,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

i can't eat any more!!!

argh, so full ;p had lunch @ king's buffet restaurant in crown today... hmmmz... lots 2 eat, nice food, but too much... ;p no dinner 4 me!!!

anywayz... jus a short blog entry...

60,000 ppl so far in tsunami disaster... ahce was devastated, in particular... such an enormous toll, and little reason to speak of... nevertheless, i trust that in all of this there will be an ultimate justice prevailing at the hands of our God (whose power it is to give life, and take life)...

thanks to God that my parents are somewhat conciliatory now, and a bit quieter (and less inclined to invade my privacy) - even if not really understanding... heaps of thx 2 sally 4 her immense love and support thru everything... ;p and to yi-ning for her advice and fellowship... and to everyone else who has had to bear with my complaints and whinging... time will be a great healer, and i ought to make every effort to learn patience thru whatever circumstances i'm faced with... for God gives us the strength to get thru everything...

anywayz - let's pray for those who really need our prayers, especially those affected by the global disaster... and mayhaps some of us will find it in us to follow yi-ning's shining example of donation to their effort... ;p thx yi-ning!!!

cheers,
dave

Earthquake tragedy yesterday...

i have to say, was a terrible tragedy yesterday that happened with the indonesian earthquake & tsunami disaster... at least 22,000 souls cut off so far from their earthly existence... i cannot presume to understand why such a thing would happen, but it's mind-blowing, the fact that, considering my recent fights and struggle, my problems are nothing compared with what those affected by the earthquake are now having to endure... which are, in turn, again nothing compared with what God went thru for our sake about 2 millenia ago...

;p

praise God that he gave us all life!!! and praise God that he has given us the opportunity of salvation through his son, not only salvation, but the privilege to be called his children!!! i am so lucky and so blessed to be in my situation, and i should not feel so resentful...

found an encouraging verse today... let it be a reminder to us all ;p

"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all
kinds of evil against you because of me." - Matthew 5:11

Should i stay, or should i go?!?

post-xmas grumpiness... well, more like, difficulties with my parents... it really hurts to see how much they are disappointed in me... but, like i said once, i can't listen to them... they decide to make unreasonable demands on me and try to force me to give up anything that carries any meaning for me... impossible... oh well... i shall try not to complain excessively...

found some comfort in a few passages i read today... reassurance that justice will ultimately come about (psalm 62), that we should rejoice in our sufferings for Christ... the knowledge that tensions within the family are to be expected in this world (matthew 10), and the calling to love our enemies all the same (matthew 5)...

u mite wonder, would i be overreacting to call my parents my "enemies"?!? i don't think so... a lot of the stuff they say to me lately places them firmly in the camp of my enemies (and i in the camp of theirs)... it's made me think long and seriously about moving out... i really considered relocating myself to a place that's closer to city, closer to friends, and away from the exasperation that i find is my constant companion whenever i'm in my parents' company... no amount of domestic convenience outweighs the demoralisation they hurl at me day after day...

nevertheless - in matthew 5, we are called to walk that extra mile with those who ask us to, reluctant tho we may be... and to love our enemies... does this speak to me?!? perhaps... maybe it's telling me that i should stay at home and bear it... the power of Jesus Christ shall keep me alive and able to withstand everything that comes my way... in that i trust... and hoping that i may only be strengthened thru endurance...

“Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my
Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven.
“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not
come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn ‘a man against his
father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her
mother-in-law – a man's enemies will be the members of his own
household.’
“Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will
find it. - Matthew 10:32-39

the Lord's b'day 2moro!!!

what a joyous time, celebrating Jesus' arrival on earth tomorrow!!! its significance still baffles me... how a mere human mind can comprehend the salvation of the world's inhabitants thru generations, thru millenia, it's truly mind-blowing... the purity of such love, such grace, and the grandness of God's promises to us, given to us thru Jesus, it's simply amazing and awesome...

something sal talked with me about last nite tho, i find a timely reminder at times like this... perhaps it's got something to do with the purpose for the recent difficult struggles at home, but it's the simple matter of responding in faith to what God has done for us... often, i get so caught up with the love God has lavished upon us, and forget to act upon his commands... if we are to love God, we are to obey him...

it's true, if i am to call myself a child of God, then i am also to live free of sin (1 John 3)... we are called to struggle with sin (e.g. Romans 7), to repent and beg for forgiveness whenever we are steeped in sin... by God's grace, we know we are forgiven, but it doesn't mean that i can continue in my sinful ways... - i still live in sin, i know it, because it's in my selfish thoughts, my impatience, in my rudeness, in my pride, in my envy and jealousy... i'm too far steeped in these things to consider myself anywhere near free of sin, and to move in the right direction, i need every bit of strength God will give me...

this xmas - i resolve to really try and dwell upon God in my thoughts, surrender to His lead, and submit to His will... when we come to more fully comprehend God's character in awesome wonder, then the response to live without sin becomes far more natural... it's never going to be an easy thing... ;p but God's truth will set us free!!!

love-in-Christ,
dave

"Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. He who does what is
right is righteous, just as he is righteous. He who does what is sinful is of
the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the
Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. No one who is born of God
will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on
sinning, because he has been born of God. This is how we know who the children
of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is
right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother."
- 1 John 3:7-10

argh...

hi all, i finally got my results... a h3... quite disappointing actually, well beneath what i should have got... am very thankful to God tho, that my results are probably far higher than i deserved, and i'm quite confident that it's not terrible enough to affect my scholarship!!! praise God!!! ;p

but i'm really sorry to all those ppl (especially my parents) to whom i've caused so much disappointment... it's my own fault that i haven't worked as efficiently or in as targeted a manner as i should have, in order to learn for my exams properly... i think i can be blamed for not having taken full advantage of the sample question papers that they supplied to write out model answers for me to recall and put on the page in the exam!!! i suppose i have lots of complaints about the way the assessment of this block has been carried out, but i should not use that, in any way, as an excuse for my hopeless, appalling results that reflect my hopeless, appalling effort...

now, what's happened - my parents, being the concerned, compassionate ppl they are, have begun to "advise" me, belittle me, tell me i don't understand anything, give me accusatory looks... i know i have disappointed them terribly!!! but i should see things from their point of view - they've put so much effort and resources into bringing me up, and now i go and screw up this set of exams... unfaithful child, i am... disobedient, rebellious child who doesn't know any better than to sate his own selfish desires... worse still, i spend all my time on misplaced priorities... i.e. anything apart from eating, sleeping and studying... i should stop spending any time reading anything other than medical books, looking at anything other than anatomy atlases, writing anything other than model answers for exams, going out to anything other than lectures... give up anything to do with religion, give up all my friends... give up everything i care about, basically... and my parents know best, and i have to grow up!!!

- yes, i am a child, who needs to grow up... i trust that God will help me do exactly that... i pray that, through what looks like it'll be a long year or more of struggles with my parents ahead (for whom i pray, that they will come to understand me better, and more importantly, that they come to know the Lord), i will be strengthened, and that i will, by God's spirit, mature into a more holy, diligent, knowledgable student... i cannot do any of these things on my own...

apologies also go to God, whose grace has allowed me to petition to Him for peace... nothing has changed, i still fall so far short of the standards we are called to aspire to and live for, Jesus... God's peace has, so far, allowed me to control myself and keep most of my temper under a lid, thanks be to God!!! and thanks to God also, that we celebrate Jesus' birth in a few days' time, a reminder of the new life, the new hope given to us for the future!!! we have every reason to rejoice!!!

also, wishing to thank u, my friends, for all your support, confidence and encouragement... it is u who help me to experience God daily, and i hold hope for a continuing, strengthening relationship with all of u as time goes on!!! - there is no way i would ever, ever, give up the fellowship, friendship, enjoyment and understanding that u have shared with me!!!

in times of difficulty, i like to remember this, from Hebrews 13:5-6

... God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say
with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man
do to me?”

God, be my guide... set my ways straight... i am not worthy to be called your child, but through Jesus, we can call you Father... so, heavenly Father, perfect love, thank you for everything, for life, for hope... i have faith that You will take care of everything... i shall march forward in confidence and face the struggles as You would have me do... and, through Your triumphs, may Your glory shine brightly before the world!!! in Jesus' most precious name i pray, amen...

ps... - today's odb is so uplifting!!! God will bring us through all our trials... there is no question about that!!!

To God be the Glory!!!

hi all u dear friends!!! such a wonderful happiness it is to be at peace with everything, and to know God, and to feel His closeness!!! sundays are always so uplifting... today's sermon revolved around the passage in Luke 2 that speaks of the angels that descended to bring the awesome news about Jesus' birth... we also had dedications of some young children in church to the Lord today!!! ahh, lil babies can be so cute!!! to know that Jesus once took the form of a child, it's such a beautiful image... and to realise that shepherds were the first to bear witness to the great news, we are reminded of God's impartiality and amazing love given to each of us, irrespective of how we measure up against the world's standards...

ah yes, the world... - God's amazing creation... yet some things can still be infuriating!!! i guess i'm referring to worldly attitudes that seem so strongly prevalent and pervasive, yet they go against everything that i believe!!! - hmmmz... i finally get over the fact that i sux at everything (well, most things anywayz... - especially those things that require a brain...) but there's still stuff i can find to complain about...

i can't believe some of the things my parents say to me lately... - well, i can believe it... i jus can't listen to them... it's so hard to honour my parents (as God calls us to do) when they seem to speak out against the things i hold dearest in my life... similar to what maxine was talking about in her blog, society's attitudes to relationships tend to be so selfish, so caught up in consumerist culture (e.g. relationships for the moment) and driven by lust and convenience... they seem to forget the truths about what relationships are meant to be about: unconditional love fashioned after God's own extraordinary love for us, rejoicing, commitment, sacrifice, and giving, all for the glory of our heavenly Father... - well, perhaps that's one reason they don't really understand... they aren't followers of Jesus Christ... i do need to keep praying for them, and unfortunately, i haven't been great at remembering that lately!!!

(...end rant...)

yah, the life of a follower of Christ is not without hardship... but we are called to bear, to endure, to resist temptation and every kind of evil - for God, as our Father, uses the difficulties in our lives, our pain, our anguish, to transform us... - and we may rejoice more in this, and to God be the glory!!! this passage is really helpful, from Hebrews 12:7-11...

"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not
disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes
discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we
have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How
much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers
disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us
for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at
the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness
and peace for those who have been trained by it."

anywayz... ;p finally, to pray for sally's operation tomorrow morning, that all will go well, and that she may recover to full health afterwards, pain-free, in a short time!!! - God be with her through everything ;p

agape,
dave

ps... thx kolin, yn, sal for comments!!! kolin - will be happy to discuss 7d universe some other time, tho i won't be very good at it anymore, since i don't believe in it... similarly with other cool models like parallel universe, rebound universe, subjective-reality universe, self-reflective-reality universe etc (disclaimer - these are mostly my own names for these concepts, or adaptations thereof, so aren't really proper scientific models - no string theory and stuff either ;p)... but they're all fun... yn & sal - thx also for ur encouragement!!! always so insightful and able to offer advice and clarification with perspective... God works so strongly in both of u!!! and maxine, thx for ur blog too - encouraged to read about ur journey/thoughts with Christ!!!

errrm... still no results... ;p

hihi, it's been a couple of days since my strange post ;p - feeling much better now tho!!! God's peace is restored in me, so long as i retain perspective... it's such an important thing, but in my strangenesses, it's very difficult to convince oneself to come to restore proper perspective once more... ;p

i think part of my problem, the inferiority complex thingy, was in part due to my ambitions to be more than i am, and my dissatisfaction with who i am and what i have become so far... regret over the things i cannot do and the difficulties i faced (or failed to face), and did not deal with properly... - but dwelling on insufficiency is no way to make progress...

everything is made clear with the light of God shining upon us, illuminating for us to see both the good and bad within and around us, but never holding the bad against us... God admonishes us so that we can improve but never demands more or berates us for being who we are... - for God loves us jus the way we are... and nothing can change that... ;p instead of being continually punished, we are showered with blessing after blessing, and treated as God's very own children...

i've learnt (again) that we should promise (to God, to ourselves, and others) to give all we can give, but no more... for we are to work within the means that God's given us, which is vast, but it would be harmful to expect to be more than we are...

watched miracle box 2day with sally, such a mixed movie!!! comedy, corniness, tragedy, love, it's all there... in it, a couple of doctors are romantically attached, the guy has leukaemia, and the girl has a strong ambition to be the best doctor and to travel to (of all places) australia to study!!! (university of central australia?!? what the?!?) - anyhow... there's tragedy with the guy's leukaemia and the sars outbreak, but there's a cool theme of focus on God, and the trials that each of them go through emotionally as they struggle with disease (their own, and their patients'), decisions, and destiny...

;p anyhow, today has been enjoyable... - we went to visit yn where she works... so busy, she is!!! have to yell 10 times to get her attention, haha... watched movie and went to beach... probably taste rather salty after being in such hot conditions... ;p oh well... thx heaps to sal for cheering me up too ;p always so happy whenever we get to spend time together!!! gonna miss u heaps next week...

anywayz, baiz!!! ;p

ps... anywayz jus hoping that my day isn't ruined when i receive my results, maybe later... or perhaps tomorrow... or the day after... or whenever... but it seems a lot of ppl are kinda disappointed in their results!!! hmmmz... i pray that i'm a fortunate exception to that trend, but i'll surely accept whatever i get...

Psalm 31:21-24

21 Praise be to the LORD ,
for he showed his
wonderful love to me
when I was in a besieged city.
22 In my alarm I
said,
"I am cut off from your sight!"
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.

23 Love the LORD , all his saints!
The LORD preserves the faithful,
but the proud he pays back in full.
24 Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD .

The Sun and the Shadows...

last night dissatisfaction decided to make itself right at home in my head... many explanations possible... but really, there's no good reason why i shouldn't be the happiest person in the world!!! strangest paradox, really, isn't it...

i wonder what it's got to do with... ;p trying to grasp the concept of how wide, how deep, how long, how high, how great God's love is for me... - if only i could understand that, then everything would become clear... what puzzles me, is why i can be so lucky, when i'm the most undeserving person in the world?!? there's so much wrong with me, yet God can love me jus the way i am?!? that there's nothing i can do for God that he can't already do himself, it's all one way traffic - i can't do anything but thank him!!! yet, there's the spectre, the shadow of the realisation that i'm completely powerless, and the notion that, if i was to get what i deserve, everything would be taken away from me... nothing would be left, i probably wouldn't deserve to be alive, i'm such a rotten person...

so the shadow casts itself in the form of fear, of inferiority complex, and of foreboding... the sun begins to set, and the shadow extends itself over the horizon, looming and beginning to engulf the mountains of hope i had before... then the mountains themselves start to cast their shadows too... of what could have been, the question begging to be asked, "if only"!!! (if only, what?!? - well anywayz...) similarly, the shadows allow more irregularities spring up on the surface, irregularities of sin... pits and chasms, deep and gaping ever wider, as the fragile earth shakes and its foundation splits open...

the sun, we should never allow to set on us... the sun is overpowering, the sun is like God's love... we need only turn to face it and bask in its glory, and it illuminates everything such that we can see things in perspective... the earth may break and shatter, but it will reform in time... the sun restores our soul... out from the cracks, plants grow under the sun's influence to fill the gaps and bring stability once again to the surface... the sun makes everything appear beautiful, it nourishes, it nurtures, it encourages, it gives us the energy to go on, yet remain so blissful in peace, for it (God's love) is eternal ;p

i shall endeavour to never turn away from it ever again... see things in perspective, indeed... whatever shadows are cast, i shan't dwell in the shade... but bask in the restorative power of God... and never has the sun shone so brightly as through Jesus Christ!!!

"Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command but an old one, which
you have had since the beginning. This old command is the message you have
heard. Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and you,
because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining." - 1
John 2:7-8

Activities of the moment...

hmmmz... my supervisor decided to do clinic today after all... ;p and since i'm not properly attired for clinics, expecting only a meeting to discuss the state of ENT education for undergraduate medical students, here i find myself in the library writing yet another blog entry... ;p

current activies:
-writing blog entry...
-going over ENT lecture notes... one of them got a virus in them!!!
-reading blog entries... hmmmz, i didn't know we were that inconspicuous!!! haha...
-listening to some beautiful baroque choral music...
-glancing over Sal's triangle geometry notes for juniors... hehe... ;p it might be for "juniors", but already it's opened my eyes so much to the amazingness of the humble triangle... thx!!! [mentally throwing around triangles, lines and circles in my head... it's quite fun actually...]
-daydreaming about... very nice things... ;p
-thinking about returning to work...
-returning to work... ;p
-ohh, then an old colleague/friend from bionic ear institute comes along ;p catch up with her for a while... (coolness, almost finished her phd!!!)
-now returning to work... yep...

Christmas spirit!!!

time for today's proper blog entry, perhaps?!? ;p

i'm happy!!! yah, like a mood that's been a stranger to me a fair bit lately, for no good reason... but happiness returned... ;p thank God for that!!! - it's approaching that time of the year where everyone seems to be happy, yah?!? Christmas?!? when Jesus's birth is commemorated with a flurry of gift-giving, receiving, and disappointment, and a great opportunity for the shops to throw their doors wide open trumpeting "SALE!!!" on every surface they can find... yah, well, Christmas shopping is something i'm terrible at... uh, i haven't bought any presents for anyone yet!!! i jus hope that i'll be able to find what i've got in mind for the select few whose presents i can (barely) afford... ;p mum is great at falling for the big "SALE!!!" sign bait, especially since they're always in red... and then i'll end up with a pile of stuff that i probably will never use, as usual ;p i wonder, how many t-shirts, shorts, etc i have that i jus haven't worn since those Christmas days x-years ago?!? not to mention, some of them i've grown out of by now... before i even take them out of their wrapping... oh, not quite, they come out of their wrappings... ;p but perhaps they're doomed to remain deep in the bowels of my wardrobe for countless years to come?!? can jus imagine the day when i move and have to clear out the wardrobe, only to find in its deep recesses some size 8 t-shirt that was intended for me on my 8th birthday or something... there are countless other of my gifts that have ended up similarly in the bowels of my brother's wardrobe... ;p

the other side of Christmas tho, from an almost secular perspective anywayz, are the carols!!! conjuring up images of snowmen and candles and figgy pudding, ah those were the days... ;p nostalgia, u know it's nostalgia when u're remembering things that never happened to you, like snow at Christmas time!!! ;p but i like carols tho... one of my favourites is "once in royal david's city" - only coz it makes me feel royal... like Sally put it in her blog, a prince!!! haha ;p thx Sal, my lovely princess... but i've always had fun with carols like "white Christmas", "jingle bell rock", stuff like that... they always mention snow!!! well, someday, i've resolved, i'll spend a Christmas in the snow!!! then there are the proper carols, the ones that really do relate to historical events, the three wise men, Mary in the manger, God becoming man in the form of the baby Jesus... ;p these are most often overlooked... but thankfully, these are the ones that we're doing at church (my local church) this year... and no matter what hemisphere you're in, they still retain their relevance!!! ;p

yup, carolling... ;p only one letter and a space away from car rolling... - yup, i've had to do that several times too!!! once at the service station when my car wouldn't start... (the night of med ball, actually!!! - ah what a hectic day that was...) and several times at mary's place... i think i should share for the amusement of those who don't yet know the story... - i'd parked behind gal's car, outside mary's place, which is in doncaster, really hilly, and i made doubly sure i didn't forget the handbrake!!! (which is a story for another time) - i was parked pretty close to gal's car... i didn't mind that... i was sure i was a safe distance behind... didn't matter anyhow, i've managed to manoeuvre out of (and into) pretty tight parking spots before without too much trouble... ;p anyhow, after a night of deep discussion and prayer, we come out to farewell gal and shaz, who decided to leave at the early time of 1am... so we're at mary's door, gal gets into his car, laughing at how close i'd parked, and starts to drive off... we're waving happily, until my car, mysteriously, starts to take off after gal's car!!! straight down the slope!!! panic now!!! - because the further it goes down the faster it'll go!!! i'm seen sprinting out scrambling into the car, by which time, it decided to stop spontaneously!!! coz, it'd become wedged on the kerb as the road started to bend... ;p handbrake yanked up doubly hard, in gear now... no way am i gonna let that happen again!!! ... or so i thought... next time i'm at mary's - i decide to park in the driveway... it's gonna be safe here, i thought... small gentle slope... no need to put the car in gear, besides, if i start it later and forget to clutch, then i'll end up putting a great big hole in the side of her house... i don't think she'd appreciate that... so car's happily sitting there... something like half an hour later, jim arrives... ;p says to me, "hey dave, nice parking... ur car's touching the garage door"... - i'm like, "ergh, i thought i'd park close, coz then someone else can park behind me in the driveway"... i'd parked close-ish, but was pretty sure i'd left a few metres still!!! - then we all go out, and sure enough, the car's ploughed into mary's garage door!!! i'm all lost for words at that point... why did i forget to put it in gear?!? ;p car moved fine, after that, thankfully no huge impression of the bumper bar was left in the door... ended up parking a few blocks away, a low spot, where the car couldn't move unless it decided to roll upwards instead!!! ;p - well, hopefully lesson's been learnt... now i never forget to put the car in gear whenever there's the slightest slope ;p

hmmmz... - time to go now?!? i have work to do anyhow... - yup, work... ;p i've got the task of reviewing pretty much the entire set of ENT lecture notes for future cohorts of melbourne medical students... yay!!! ;p hmmmz... maybe not a good idea to say that?!? i'll be blamed for all the bad ENT teaching... argh... hopefully, saying that here, i'll be extra careful with my approach to this task... ;p but i shouldn't need that to motivate me... for, everything i do, i shall do as fitting unto the Lord... ;p - all the motivation i need is in the great love the Father has lavished upon us (1 John 3 ;p), and what better time to bring His gift of grace, of love, of forgiveness to mind, than around this time of Christmas... thank you God, for Christ Jesus!!! ;p and let us not all forget the true meaning of Christmas!!!

au revoir, auf Wiedersehen!!! & God bless!!!
dave

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." - Colossians 3:23-34

Quick update...

hey all ;p jus quickly posting before i'm due at a meeting on cochlear implants... hopefully will be interesting!!! (so long as i'm awake, unlike last week's meeting...)

firstly, wanna say good luck and congrats to all the year 12's who've jus received their results today!!! how many new doctors-in-training, i wonder?!? ;p look forward to seeing the new med students especially... perhaps future lawyers and things as well... after all, it's they who need our counsel in their old age, and who keep us in a job!!! ;p haha... j/k

yah, some fun things... was pleasantly surprised, i actually enjoyed seeing bridget jones's diary 2 y'day!!! ;p i hadn't seen the first one... but apparently that increased my chances of enjoying this one... - weird, she actually reminds me of some1 i know called bridget... but only really her look and things... the real bridget is a really talented ENT registrar atm, i'm not sure she'd really enjoy the comparison!!! ;p there are heaps more comparisons i can make actually, other characters and other ppl... but i won't go into them... not now...

hmmmz... had a glimpse of sally's crazy maths world again today ;p hehe... oh well, i know so little about maths, and the questions they do really freak me out when i see them... meh, each to their own domain... - i think i'll go now... nothing much to say l8ly... except that i've been in a pretty good mood, for the most part... gloomy weather, good mood... does that make sense?!? oh, actually, yesterday was pretty good weather, despite forecasts of storms and heavy showers...

better run, ciao!!!

dave

Ahhh, clarity of the mind to soothe the soul...

pic of RVEEH below... it's really well situated - near parliament station, jus across the road from a beautiful cathedral, really nice parkland and countless places to eat!!! -

a rewarding week of clinics and theatres has come to an end - it's been fun and enlightening!!! ;p i'm pleasantly surprised, actually... the highlight so far has been paediatric clinic... libby rose is a delight to work with, it's wonderful to watch the way in which she engages the young kids, she's got this really bubbly nature and energy, like a pot on the boil, you can jus feel her love for her patients!!!

hehe, funny thing in her clinic... there's this patient, a 4 y.o. with a hyponasal voice, great big adenoids and tonsils, and her parents complain about her snoring... - she's such a cute kid tho, she's got this weird smile that she makes at her dad where she half screws up her eyes, and this massive grin jus spreads right across her face!!! ;p hehe, kids are cute!!! - anywayz, on with the story... libby's testing her speech, and says, "now, can you say for me, my dad has a new red car"... the kid's like, "my da has a noo wed ca" (if u want to know what it sounds like, jus say that with your fingers clipped over ur nose, and accentuate every word...) ;p libby's like, "ok, now, can you say for me, mickey mouse", and the kid goes, "michie mouth"... "okay, can you say sixty six?!?" - "thichty thich"... ;p then libby says, "very good!!! okay, can you say for me, silly sally"!!! (that set me off laughing) - then the kid goes, "my dog'th called thally"!!! haha... i was laughing pretty hysterically by then... oh, well, i was inside... but trying hard to avoid showing it too much!!!

saw also, the insertion of a cochlear implant into a lil samoan kid with a mondini malformation (malformed, hypoplastic cochlea with less well-formed modiolus) - the anatomy was quite complicated, and the proximity of the descending part of the facial nerve, middle ear part of chorda tympani, the sigmoid sinus and dura, not to mention the vascularity of the haemopoietic skull in a 2 y.o., made for a difficult task for the surgeons... - it's hard to visualise everything, even under the lens... - but it got there in the end... such a long operation!!! 4 and a half hours!!! - but it'll be interesting to see how the boy goes, when they switch him on in a couple of weeks' time... ;p he looks like a mummy now, with metres of bandage wrapped around his head...

anyhow, so happy to have a break now... it's been exhausting... ;p but fun... nice to find myself once again in a good mood too!!! thx sal ;p - there's this realisation that clarity of the mind soothes the soul... i'm really prone to becoming caught up in things, with my mind all a cloud of confusion... nothing like meditation or relaxation to restore the mind to a state of clarity... anywayz, looking jus to relax this weekend... wind up again for another week of craziness...

Psalm 143:1-6 -

1 O LORD , hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your
faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.

2 Do not bring
your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.

3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me
dwell in darkness
like those long dead.

4 So my spirit grows faint
within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.

5 I remember the days of
long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have
done.

6 I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a
parched land.

Afraid to win?!?

hey all, again ;p hehe... breakthrough, perhaps?!? no, not a breakthrough... but at least it seems to be somewhat an explanation of my strangeness when i have absolutely nothing i can rightly complain about... - i've identified that there's this element in me that seems to be afraid to win!!! hmmmz... it's weird... i can't say i ever delight in losing, but if only to see true valiant efforts of the victor over me result in a moment of boundless satisfaction... ;p

anyhowz, u're probably wondering, how can i be "afraid to win"?!? well - i'll start by working through what this means... (thx heaps to yq, who i was discussing this with... some of this is taken out of what i said in our msn convo...) it's like there's this bit of me that knows that so much has been done, that life is so good, and the extra reward seems so undeserved that i'm afraid to reach out and grab it... tho it's dangling in front of me on a string... i'm not talking about indulgence, rather opportunities to respond to God's calling... sometimes they're dangled on a string and almost held in my mouth that i actually go out of my way to avoid grabbing it...

it's strange, huh?!? i wonder if it's the result of logic circuits in me that come about as a result of an inherent fear of losing... so the hypothesis goes: coz i'm afraid to lose at first, i develop something that safeguards me against feeling too bad when i lose... so i'm no longer afraid to lose... so i don't mind it... i get used to it... and then, i feel more comfortable with it... comfort in losing, it's almost like i want to remain in it... so whenever i'm close to winning anything, i feel like i'm venturing out of my comfort zone... hmmmz... maybe?!? - or maybe it's like running a race, if u're in front, then u feel so free, like too free... if you're behind, you have goals to catch up to... i probably feel more comfortable with goals like that...

i thank yq also for reminding me of returning advice on the principle of "cheerful giving"... ;p how true tho!!! how can one give without there being anyone to receive?!? - as well as being cheerful givers, we must be cheerful receivers as well... not to ever give to expect reward, but to simply trust in the goodness of your gift, and the premise that whatever you give will be given back to you (as in Luke 6:38 - "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”)... not to give for the sake of giving, for to do so is grudging, but rather out of love... and to receive cheerfully in the same spirit!!! if someone is giving to you out of love, then you should encourage it by receiving with the same love!!! ;p in a way, this is also giving, since it is the gift of self, an experience only you can give, for each and every one of us is unique...

it's important to understand that where we have much to receive, we should do so!!! and similarly, when we have much to give, we should do so as well!!! - likewise, when the victory is in sight, we should run to it with open arms and clutch it, for it has been given to us by God's grace... if we do not hunger for victory, we are denying our God-given desires... ;p

anywayz, my resolves for today are huge, eh?!? - ;p to embrace victory, to be as cheerful a receiver as a giver, and to respond to God's calling with renewed interest once again - to love, to live, to worship, be content and rejoice!!! ;p

God bless!!!
dave

Time is a curious blessing...

contentedness - our calling in life is to love God, love one another, be content and rejoice... ;p ah, i already feel so much better!!! why then, is it often so difficult to feel content?!?

jus a bit earlier, i was lost in a quagmire of negativity and thoughts of time-insufficiency... there's never enough time to do anything!!! there seemed to be a vortex into which all my time (and happiness) was being relentlessly drawn, and all i could find time to do was think about how my time was being eaten away... anywayz, ironic that i should've been in such a hurry before, neglecting all that i should be so thankful for, and now here i am typing a rather useless message here in order to pass time!!!

had a pretty enjoyable morning tho... ;p david's game of knightmare chess was interesting... interesting, if somewhat annoying at times... haha... one card can flip the game around and turn it on its head!!! think about this... a card that rotates the board 90 degrees?!? a card that allows swappage of 2 pieces on the board?!? a card that undoes your opponent's last move (rightly called "chaos")?!? - yah, i had that one used on me... twice... ;p haha... then played music with sal... wishing for more time to do these things i like!!!

shall soon be off to clinic (silly me for assuming it was meant to start an hour ago, argh, useful stuff i could have done if i didn't have to hurry)... anywayz, today's clinic is cochlear implants... probably the highlight of my being here, where the entire story of the cochlear implant began from small seeds... now to know that it's helped many thousands of people to hear once again, or hear for the first time, it's an amazing thought!!!

;p big picture beckons once more... time is a constraint that we're called to live within, a curious blessing, but without it, there is no such thing as change... also, i shan't any longer worry that i don't have enough time... because we are always given enough, according to God's perfect plan... similarly, there's a good reason why in paul's description of love in 1 corinthians 13, he begins by saying that "love is patient"... i shall be thankful for the lifetime ahead for us all to respond to our calling to love, to live, to worship, be content and rejoice!!!

in Christ,
dave

Proverbs 14:29 - A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.
Proverbs 16:32 - Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

On ears and things...

hey ;p on my options placement at the moment, quite enlightening!!! i have the honour of being under the supervision of professor brian pyman at the RVEEH, one of the true pioneers of cochlear implants alongside the newly inducted member of the royal society, graeme clark... - prof pyman is a real wealth of information, and he's really enthusiastic about everything, which helps boost my own enthusiasm for the weird and wonderful world of ears and ear surgery!!!

first couple of days have seen me go to theatre to observe microsurgery, and i've followed several clinicians dealing with various patients presenting with problems pertaining to the ear and related structures (namely nose and throat...) - some things have been interesting... ;p mostly enjoying seeing the kids who are benefitting from early implantation, it's awesome to see lives so enriched by sound when they'd previously been deprived due to congenital rubella, genetic mutations, obstetric complications, ear canal malformations etc... seeing them grow, develop language skills, interacting with their parents and others, and generally enjoying their environment in every sense... it's this richness of experience in early childhood that leads to normal language development in kids... ;p kids are so cute!!!

one wonders tho, what defines "normal"?!? there's been a lot of recent debate about the merit of in utero foetal screening for congenital deafness, and all the caution about congenital rubella etc... and the deaf community is very defensive about the condition of deafness not being defined as abnormal, and not being used as reasonable grounds to terminate pregnancy... termination is something i'm generally against (as in, i wouldn't condone any termination, although i become accepting of termination in a. cases where to continue pregnancy would severely endanger the mother's life e.g. pulmonary hypertension, large ectopic pregnancy, severe cardiorespiratory disease, possibly also in some cases of cancer, or b. cases of rape) - termination, i do concede, probably does have a place in present-day medicine tho... because we have to consider readily the consequences of outlawing terminations, and the general societal attitude towards unwanted pregnancy and sex... topic for another day, perhaps?!? - as for congenital deafness, there is great richness to be found in interacting with any child, and for them interaction with the world, so much so that imho, there's no reason for that to be grounds for termination or for sadness... every child is a blessing... no child should ever be grieved, simply because they aren't who their parents thought they could have been... although, i'm really jumping the gun here, coz i've never been in the situation of a parent with a child with a disability, and can never really know (until such time that i've experienced it) what it must really be like, how difficult it can be...

hmmmz... blog getting long already... ;p i have so much more to say... perhaps tho, i'll slowly chew thru the issues... so perhaps i can explore them more in depth, as i think they should be... and to give me time to deal with what i have to!!!

anywayz ephesians 4:1-16 has a nice passage on unity... ;p it's somehow related... i thought that it is a marvelous reminder in God's word that love is what binds us together, regardless of our differences, and the fact that we are each unique creations, designed for different roles, and we are called to bear with one another in patient, humble and gentle love... ;p

in Christ, dave

Unity in the Body of Christ

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit--just as you were called to one hope when you were called - one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. This is why it says:

"When he ascended on high,
he led captives in his train
and gave gifts to men."

(What does "he ascended" mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions? He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Oh thou joyful day!!!

oh thou joyful day!!! how would i have imagined i'd be saying that, even thinking that, only about 6 hours ago?!? such a strange thing, isn't it, mood... and how fickle a creature i am...

unfortunate thing it's been to notice how i'm drifting further and further from my parents as time goes on... not simply distance-wise (well, i'm still living at home with them), or time-wise for that matter (although i suppose there's some truth to their complaint that they hardly see me anymore...) i kept thinking, "why can't they understand me?!?" - it's a breakdown in the family bonds that we always have had, but now they seem so fragile... i think it's partly to do with diverging ideals (them not being Christians), my increasingly independent lifestyle, partly the generation gap, but quite surely there's an element of fear involved as well... fear that their control over me is diminishing... - fear is a lot about lack of control... and lack of trust...

i can relate to similar fears in my own life, fears about other ppl, fears that surface motives only served to hide more sinister purposes... i can seem to be the eternal cynic sometimes... ;p the fact that i don't control their lives (more on this another time, there was a time when i believed firmly that i had control over every single happening in the universe!!! - delusions of grandeur?!? crazy me... perhaps i'll explain it another time, and it will make sense!!!), along with feelings of utter worthlessness or insignificance have at times plagued me with fear... i can't say that this is the same thing as what's happening to my parents, but definitely, the lack of control, lack of trust thing has heaps to do with it...

it's probably largely my fault tho!!! i don't tell them anything, according to them... which is probably true in some ways... - i tell one parent sometimes (usually my dad), and expect that they both know from then on... it's terrible... they probably think i'm leading a secret life or something... - that certainly can't help the trust factor, although the lack of control factor is something that we all have to deal with, and come to accept...

so yah, my parents were complaining about 6hr ago... all about how i'm so different now... and how i don't tell them anything... and how my life is being dominated by people other than them... and how they seem to think that i'm throwing my life away, not seeming to care about anything, being grumpy all the time etc... and i'm here thinking, what could be further than the truth?!? i'm living for God, caring about life and having a motive to do things, and really, i couldn't be happier!!! ;p (apart from this grumbling about getting along with my parents and stuff... uh huh...) - but i can see that this could be hurting them... - seeing me happy, seeing me being set free, while they lose the tight control they've had on me for most of my life... perhaps i should do my part, and be more thankful, and be more communicative to them about what goes on in my life... at least let them share in my joy, and attempt to help them experience the same joy that we have in Christ... it's so selfish of me to be withholding such treasures, such truth, back from them...

;p anyhow, happiness!!! so glad to be celebrating xmas, going to Sal's old school's xmas service tomorrow night!!! will be heaps of fun... - so much to be thankful for today as well... - met Sal's friend who came down from the backwaters of sydney (oh, okay, note entirely accurate, i think he's actually from north shore or something?!? with mansions overlooking the harbour and grandiose yachts moored at the front...), his name is also David... ;p luckily Sal's got her innovative methods of differentiating between us - i'm "Dave", he's "David"... and everyone seems to have caught on... ;p maybe i should change my name by deed poll, so it becomes official... friend's concert today too... nice music!!! really enjoyed Elaine's wonderful rendition of Liszt's captivating "un sospiro", something that i'll remember for some time yet!!! playing violin today, starting to sound really good (mendelssohn concerto, hehe...) - and catching up with mel, shaz & gal... before shaz & gal jetset next week to their respective elective sites, china & scotland... well, with more than a few stopovers... ;p have fun, both of u!!!

so, joyful mood now... strangeness... ;p i don't understand my moods... ickle fickle me...

verse for the day?!? - oh well, i think i spoke a bit of fear earlier... i think it's a natural thing to fear, when we learn to rely on ourselves... we feel the need to control everything... and don't trust others with things that are dear to us... sometimes we need to let go... we need fear only our God... but it's a reverent fear, one that keeps us accountable, and full faith and trust is found in our Lord... so we need never fear anything else!!! ;p our reward is eternal, our treasures in heaven, if we only fear the Lord and trust in his goodness, his kindness, his love, infinite grace and mercy, made available to us through the amazing truth revealed in Jesus Christ himself... so here's a passage from 1 John 4:11-21... and remember, in love there is no fear!!! ;p

in Christ,
dave

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

So much choice!!!

jus looking at cars on the net at the moment, here's my search... kinda in a dreamy mood at the moment, my mind doesn't lend itself to presence or imminence... it's interesting though, this mindstate... leading me through musings that God already knows that i'm thinking before i think it, knows what i'll choose before i choose it (hmmm, i wonder if i'll even be getting a car?!?) - i don't know what at this stage... vienta looks good...

would be nice to get one before i'm off to shepparton for a few weeks... ;p but knowing how bad a decision-maker i am, i probably won't be getting a car for a few years... there are probably much better uses for money anyhow...

reminds me of a question on gush tho (visit the "taking it to another level" board, for those not
familiar with it... chelle's post...) - about predestination... how can God know what's going to happen already before time?!? and yet we still have free will?!? - it's really puzzling at first... but if u think about it, we can say that God is changeless, eternal, boundless... the eternal, changeless nature of God means that time is already there before him, all laid out, and "time" to him, is jus like looking at a piece of paper or a table, and seeing the "beginning" at one end, and "the end" at the other... this is why, to God, "a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like a day" - 2 Peter 3:8... - but "time", as we experience it, is that we live in the moment, with the past before us, and the future in front of us, and we're kinda in a frame with fixed mobility parameters... so we still have to make our choices, and we can do so freely, it's jus that God has seen our choices, because of His perception of time differing so much from ours...

anyhow, time to go i think... shall leave u with one of my favourite
psalms, psalm 139...

¹ O LORD , you have searched me
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD .

⁵ You hem me in-behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, ^[1] you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

¹¹ If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

¹⁷ How precious to ^[2] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD ,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

in Christ,
dave

Haha, timewasting... so much...

today has so far seen no d&m on my part... i think this is what happens after exams... the brain refuses to think, even on stuff that it usually likes to dwell on... - the meaning of life and so on...

still though, i am caught up in a bit of a bind about one question i'm sure puts me at odds with the vast majority of ppl... where is memory stored?!? - well, is it in the brain?!? is it formed of structural and neurohormonal arrangements, able to be contained within the many billions (trillions?!?) of synapses between neurons in the cerebral cortex?!? or is it extradimensional?!? - well, my opinion is the latter... for various reasons, i suppose, i really don't fully understand... but as far as i am aware, there's no research that suggests a location for memory storage within the brain... and memories are so rich and full, so drawn together by associations, and are composed and experienced so vividly, that it's really hard to imagine that it could be reduced to a collection of synapses...

when i think, perhaps it's stored in synapses, then i think of a scenario, we experience a really enjoyable or really disheartening moment, and it sticks really firmly in our memory... what happens?!? does it cycle around our short term memory pathways initially, eventually projecting to long term associated regions of the hippocampus and sustained temporarily by long term potentiation (NMDA?!?), and then somehow causing more permanent constructs in a more diffuse/far-reaching network "somewhere" in the cortex?!? - it's hard to see how such constructs, our physically stored memories, so to speak, can be so rich and full, projecting to other areas that are capable of spontaneously interacting with and arousing the sensory cortices in a way that almost convinces us of their immediacy and reality...

i think it's this complexity that makes me believe in extradimensional memory storage, though i have no experience in research in this area, so it'd hardly seem worth it listening to what i say ;p

anyhow, the model of memory/consciousness that i like to think about consists of an extradimensional mind interacting with the physical world via the interface of the body (and in particular, the brain)... kinda like the soul has a mind and a body... and we (our identity) are our souls... - somewhere, amongst the "mind" is the memory, and the consciousness, and its activities/musings etc are made manifest by whatever means controlling the brain (fluctuations in transmembrane potential in certain groups of cells?!? who knows?!?) - thus we act, speak, laugh, appear thoughtful, sleep etc... - similarly, whenever our short term memory circuits are acting, they are simply reflections of a deeper process in the mind itself, where experience is stored as memory in a metaphysical form...

oh well... i don't know... - my musings... ;p maybe this can be my d&m for the day... will look forward to seeing ppl'z opinions, criticisms, research data, even wackier models... ;p for now, au revoir!!!

God bless,
dave

Whirlwind 50 questions... (i think there are meant to be 50?!?) ;p

(well, there are a couple still floating in the cosmological wasteland... ready to be answered...)

1. Your name spelled backwards: evad, or gubyffulf
2. Where were your parents born?: hong king, singapore
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?: ummm, mozilla perhaps?!?
4. What's your favorite restaurant?: don't have a fave - perhaps waterfront... love the seafood there!!! or crabs from east coast in s'pore...
5. Last time you swam in a pool?: probably before my operation... no, not true, i've been once since then... was shocking, what with all the pain and things!!! - i should go again soon tho, i think i'll be fine...
6. Have you ever been in a school play?: yes, several... ;p but thru late high school i sorta ended up always doing music instead...
- what happened to question 7?!?
8. Type of music you dislike most?: ummm, i don't know?!?
9. Are you registered to vote?: yup...
10. Do you have a car?: yup... well, kinda... it's almost as old as me... ;p
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?: ummm, no!!! love to try one tho... esp if i visit deutschland anytime soon...
12. Ever prank call anybody?: nope...
13. Ever get a parking ticket?: nope... (lucky!!!)
14. Would you go bungee jumping or skydiving?: ummmz, probably not... i'd climb a mountain tho... ;p (nepal, maybe?!? sometime?!? hopefully?!?)
15. Furthest place you ever traveled?: errrm, probably hk...
16. Do you have a garden?: yup... in suburbia, i think everyone does?!?
17. What's the size of your bed?: single bed... had it for yonks... ;p
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?: nope!!! the first verse, maybe... but then on?!? beneath our radiant southern cross, lalalalala...
19. When was the last time you had a bath?: a spa bath?!? ummm, i don't think i've had one since errm... maybe bubble bathing as a kid... oh, maybe at the hotel when i went to tassie... tassie, hehe, memories ;p
20. Best movie you've seen in the past four months?: ummm, what have i watched in the last 4 months?!? hmmmz, sal, was eternal sunshine in the last 4 months?!? if so, then that... ;p
21. What's the next movie you want to see?: i don't know... - sal wants to see miracle box... i don't know if i'll go along to see bridget jones tho, i haven't seen the first one...
- what happened to 22?!?
23. Have you ever broken any hearts?: mayhaps, once upon a time... but i really pray that those scars have healed by now...
24. Premarital sex?: errr, no...
25. Are you a good cook?: no!!! well, i don't think i am anywayz... - maybe i have one good dish (apart from the standard fried rice, fried noodles and stuff) - which is a spaghetti with mushroom and cream & chives sauce... yummm... ;p
26. Orange or Apple juice?: oj!!!
27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?: dinner... ummmm, trying to remember... (argh, what a shocking memory i have!!! - and i thought elves had good long-term memories...)
28. Favorite drink?: water... always...
29. Best thing in the world?: there is no one best thing, for everything in the world is interdependent... for God's soverign plan to be fulfilled, every single "thing" has its place, its role, preordained and justified before the Lord... without everything else, nothing in itself would be as it is...
30. Have you ever broken a bone?: yup, but not mine... not any live person's either...
31. Have you ever won a trophy?: nope!!! tho jus about everyone else in my family has...
32. What is your favorite board game?: snakes and ladders!!! no, i don't know really...
33. What is your dream car?: wouldn't mind a mazda rx8... ;p (as a realistic possibility anywayz, maybe?!? - tho there's far better uses for money than a car...) my real "dream" car doesn't exist...
34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?: nope...
35. Coke or Pepsi?: given i had to pick between the 2, coke...
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?: yup... but men's "uniform" jus means any sorta shirt/tie/pants/shoe combo that looks neat enough...
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?: ummmm, can't remember... probably antihistamine tablets...
38. Who are you going to marry?: ask God... ;p
39. Who would you like to meet?: Jesus!!! can't wait ;p
40. Do you believe in love at first sight?: maybe... well, no, actually... it's a hard question... depends what u mean by "love" in this context... i think true love cannot be experienced at first sight, it's something that has to be grown over time...
41. What features do you find most attractive in the opposite sex?: physical features, well, i think the whole body has to be appreciated... - how can u love the right eye and not the left knee?!? or love the right nostril and not the left third molar?!? - okay, i suppose i'm jus being silly... i love a beautiful smile... ;p
42. Where would you go for a romantic evening?: i won't tell, in case u come looking to spy on me ;p
43. How many pairs of shoes do you own?: three... ;p
44. Last song stuck in your head?: i don't remember... maybe one of the hillsong songs... they're really catchy...
46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?: ummm, i don't know?!? don't know if i've ever watched it...
47. What is one thing you would like to learn to do?: be content with everything in everything all the time... ;p
48. What do you do when you are bored?: sleep, eat, run, play music...
49. What is one thing you would want someone to appreciate about you?: possibly the simple fact that i am God's creation?!? - similarly, we should all be striving to appreciate this about one another and everything else!!! - such a simple fact that i find i often overlook...
50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?: everything!!! end of exams!!! great friends!!! awesome weather!!! okay, that's more than one thing... - sally, u really made my day, was so awesome to catch up with u again ;p (really missed ya for 3 days...)

Elkandren!!! Elkandren... Elkandren?!?

Elkandren!!! Elkandren... Elkandren?!? okay, who's Elkandren?!? let's jus say he's a truly enigmatic elf, particularly talented at archery, music and, well, frankly, little else... oh well, a bit of magic... at home among the trees, i decided to revive Elkandren from his dormancy in the forests of Faêrun, from life amidst the beautiful simplicity of endless miles of mountains and trees and rivers and waterfalls, and let him look after my blog...

anywayz, that brings me back to reality... ah, reality... - the part of life we constantly deal with that frustrates us, because we don't have full control over it... reality isn't treating me too badly though, with exams finally over (last one today), and nothing to worry about... so i'm reminded by Jesus in Matthew 6:25-34:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

so, yah, trust in God is so important... shall look forward to the future with joy and excitement, for God has great plans for each and every one of his fearfully & wonderfully made creatures... ;p

God bless,
dave

Make yourself at home...

welcome to my humble site... no idea why i created this, but on a whim... the waters are dark and quiet at the moment, but hopefully will come to life in the next lil while!!! ;p

hope you enjoy walking through the forest of my thoughts as they traverse the wide and far-reaching spider web of cyberspace... wishing you all God's blessing and peace, in Jesus' name ;p