Of Anzac day and rabbits...

Thanks to Yi-Ning for sending me this wonderful article about the frivolous, furry ball of fun we call the rabbit, and what this has to do with one person's walk with God! My mind is now rejuvenated, filled with phantasms of flipping, flopping, fluffy things that approximate the fluffiness of this horribly hopeless alliterator. Once tired, a bit of humour is better than the best tonic at transforming a soul from aimlessness to energetic direction. And hence this blog comes into existence.

Well, far apart from rabbits, the people here at Queen's hold a Monday evening program, which tonight comprised an eye-opening talk by a historian on the Anzac legend. The fact that we now have a public holiday in honour of a group of people, who almost a century ago fought in a battle halfway across the world, is a testament to the importance of the legend in the identity of Australia as a nation. At the time, Australia was still a youthful nation, barely a teenager (an infant as far as nations are concerned), and determined to prove its worthiness in its own right. And the battle of Gallipolli, a wonderfully tragic example of the contrast between brazen optimism and devastating reality, was where Australia did build its identity - although not in the way, it would seem, was originally anticipated.

The plan at the time was for Allied troops to storm the shores in a landing, whereupon the Turks (seen as vastly inferior, almost a joke) would then flee at the sight of the landing - thus leaving the Dardanelles undefended, opening up a water channel between the Mediterranean and eastern waters, and spelling the neutralisation of the Ottoman empire. Troops, as bold and brash youngsters, were full of confidence in this plan - but the rest, as you know, is history. The numbers of dead mounted and rose - the naïve strategy and underestimation of an enemy led to the death of 132,000 individuals on both sides. The battle, anticipated to be a pushover, became a war of attrition and a mass graveyard.

Why does this tale of loss and tragedy then go on to define a nation? And why war? I wonder, is it because of the nationalistic idealism that such death stands for? Or, perhaps, is it the complete opposite - the nationalistic unity that emerges from a communal grieving process? The answer, it seems, is both. On the side of nationalistic idealism stand the tales of individual heroism and bravery that came from the legendary battle. More than once have we heard of the soldier who dragged his injured mate to safety, and the one who kept going in the face of fire to land in hostile trenches and cause havoc amongst the enemy. Such heroism, such bravery, is the sort of ideal that becomes universal, crossing boundaries of rank and race, and this has become definitive of the Anzac spirit. On the other side, however, the massive number of Australian casualties cannot be ignored - and families were left fragmented, children left without fathers, wives without husbands, parents without children - a truly unanticipated outcome.

Over the next decades, the legendary status of Anzac became something to commemorate - and Anzac day was born. The march of veterans has been seen as a day to remember those who offered themselves in service of the nation, the loss of lives, and the tales of bravery. However, it has been met with controversy in all the times of its establishment.

Since its conception, Anzac day has been criticised for its seeming glorification of the grusomeness of war. Many people lost their lives needlessly, and have continued to do so in the many wars that have followed the Great War (ironically once thought to be the war to end all wars). No century has been more war-ridden than the 20th century, and given the political climate of the world today, it seems that this century may be even more bloody than the last. Each year, as soldiers are paraded to the shrine, children are fired up about the idea of fighting glorious battles - energised by the spirit of Anzac, and no doubt filled with the same brazen enthusiasm and confidence of those once young before they set off on the fateful ships to Gallipolli. It seems that experience is the best teacher. War veterans are the first to voice their opposition to needless sacrifice of lives in needless battles. They've been there, and they alone know like no other how terrible a waste it would be. Yet, it is the inexperienced who are in charge of the decision of whether or not to go to war. The Iraq war is a great example of such contrast - a needless war and excessive loss of life, waged to sate the whims of those in secure offices far from the front lines. In the Vietnam war, the soldiers were villified - but it was not their decision that the war should be fought in the first place. Perhaps the real villains were right at the other end of the chain of command, those who know very little the traumas of war.

Today, the greater controversy is in the commercialisation and capitalisation of Anzac day. It is a tragedy - we have sport, products, and spectacles that take advantage of it, in the name of commemoration, but they are little more than an attempt at capitalisation. This is far from the spirit that was so powerful as to stop the nation, transcend the barriers of rank and race, and call the name of Anzac sacred (so much so that in 1925, it was protected by law against commercial use).

In the end, I hope that this commemorative day does serve as a reminder of the tragedy of war, and how we ought to be involved in a concerted effort for its opposite, peace. Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God" - Matthew 5:10. About the tragedy of war, I can't sum it up better than the poet Wilfred Owen, in his poem "Dulce Et Decorum Est":

"Dulce Et Decorum Est"
Wilfred Owen

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of disappointed shells that dropped behind.

GAS! Gas! Quick, boys!-- An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And floundering like a man in fire or lime.--
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,--
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

Blankness...

Like the emptiness of space, my mind floats, drifting, a vessel without aim. Through the chasm of expansiveness, my eyes stare, glazed, into an imagined reality - the world that holds me fast, a world of cares and obligation and responsibility, that finds me thinking about one thing one moment, and another thing the next, and tricks me into believing it all matters. These eyes might as well be a machine's - each move a reflex, and thousands upon thousands of these each day mount up to exhaustion.

Yes, exhaustion - the point upon which life's release into the true reality is found - one slows down and steps out of his narrow-mindedness, and a measure of realisation dawns that our lives are of so little consequence in the end, and none of it really matters - then, only then, do we realise why we do what we do.

Back to reality. I need to sleep.

Happy Easter!

Hey all, it’s been such a long time since my last update and I thought I ought to say something at least (even if not much). I am back in Melbourne now, having completed my emergency rotation in Mildura, and am working at Western Hospital as part of the general medical unit, which is quite a change of pace! Of course there are still stressful times – however, they are but mere moments amidst a sea of tranquillity, relatively speaking. For the first time, I feel far less guilty about taking a short break for lunch, and despite the longer hours, I have more energy to enjoy my time at the end of the day relaxing, hanging out, rather than simply slumping, exhausted, on the proverbial hay.

I caught up with a friend from my old high school today, Vince – he lives so close to me now, just five minutes’ drive away. He’s settling into a new job also, this time in the field of biomedical product manufacturing (things like plasma, factor concentrates etc). We ended up going to Max Brenner's chocolate haven for some hot chocolate, just the way to cool down after a busy week. It’s such a blast from the past, catching up with Vince – hearing about one person getting married, another person in India, yet another in Dubai, all creating havoc wherever they go! He has a cosy apartment, and the view from the rooftop is amazing in the starry night, overlooking the sleepy Melbourne cityscape on Easter eve.

Yes, it’s Easter. And I can't help but feel for my poor patients who are destined to spend this time cooped inside a hospital, being poked and prodded for blood and drips, being attended to by disgruntled doctors and nurses who were not spared the weekend shift. It's not the most fun kind of life, really, and it's quite a disempowering experience to be a patient. It's hard enough having to live with a debilitating illness. I imagine it must be doubly hard to hear the news that they are not yet fit to go home the day before Easter. If it's any consolation, perhaps even the diabetic patients ought to receive a big, juicy, diabetogenic chocolate egg! (And a big whack of insulin just beforehand)

Yet, regardless of our circumstances, now starts a time of celebration – a festival commercially linked with clearance sales and chocolate intoxication – a festival that serves, for Christ’s followers, as a stark reminder of the amazing sacrifice made by our Saviour, shedding His own blood at the cross. And for those who work, it’s either a time for holidays and going away, or a time for lamentation of the lack of such holiday (somewhat compensated for by the increased remuneration over the weekend). I pray that we can focus on the true meaning of Easter this year, and remember soberly the death of Jesus on Friday, the blood He shed as He took the punishment in full for our sins. I pray also that we rejoice and celebrate His glorious resurrection, and the eternal hope we have in it this Sunday!

So, without further ado, have a Happy Easter, eat some good chocolate, and God bless!

There are fish in the Yarra?!?

It's my last week in mildura this week, and since I have Wednesday and Thursday off, I decided to pop back to Melbourne for a couple days break. But so many things have changed - the Commonwealth Games on, the Grand Prix around the corner - and there are fish in the Yarra! Yes, fish in the Yarra! 72 to be precise, and well - not in the Yarra, but floating on the surface (I guess if there were ever fish to be found in the Yarra, floating on the surface would be exactly where they'd end up rather quickly). But it's quite a display, each fish a unique piece representing a country of the Commonwealth. How Australia ended up with the eel I don't know - what happened to good old barramundi or Murray cod?

I have to say, I've had a pretty good first rotation as an intern - I've done my fair share of ranting, and I definitely haven't liked everything I've seen so far, but there's a strangely good feeling about having (nearly) completed the rotation and having come quite far as a doctor in this time.

One thing I can't help but notice though, is that things seem to come in waves. I distinctly remember early on in my rotation, I saw three patients with fractured femoral necks in very quick succession. Then came a run of wounds that needed suturing - well, they're quite commonplace, but there were a few very tricky ones (places like the scalp, face, fingers) in a short time. Then there were the dreaded abscesses - painful for the patient, not particularly pleasant for those of us who need to cut them open either (although Sharon claims to find it a strangely satisfying thing to see the pus ooze out - I don't quite understand, unless she means in the same way you feel "satisfied" after visiting the bathroom for relief). The epidemic of abscesses might well have been explained by the run of 40+ degree days that sent all of Mildura packing to the Murray and diving in. Including me. But I guess I got lucky, spared the trauma of developing any horrible pus-filled lumps. Then towards the end of the rotation came a run of positive troponins! I went so far, sending troponins off for any chest pain suspicious of AMI, none turning up a positive result (happy for the patient) until just last week. We had a standing joke that anyone with chest pain ought to see me - and it would turn out not to be a heart attack. Then, all of a sudden, two patients in a row return with positive troponins! Into hospital with the diagnosis of NSTEMI, and the unfortunate news that they've had a heart attack.

One drawback of working in the emergency department is that there is very little opportunity to follow up patients over time and see how they go in hospital. So, I had the unique opportunity to carry on some continuity of care when I moonlighted as the medical ward resident last weekend. I was happy to see how the patients I'd seen in emergency were improving, even to see that the patients remembered me and seemed happy to see me again. The poor guy who I had to inform about his metastatic cancer was still all smiles - understanding the weight of his diagnosis and prognosis, his friend took it much harder than he did. I don't know that I would be so stoic, if I were given the same news.

The negative things I've seen during the rotation, I hope will serve as teaching points for me. I've learnt the destructiveness of rumour-mongering and harbouring complaints. I hope that I don't fall into that sort of behaviour - it's unfortunately all too prevalent in the stressful, competitive world of medicine. I'm glad to have been blessed with good friends and understanding peers - and a caring, loving soulmate on the other side of the world! It's true, if we don't seek help and understanding from true friends, it'd be easy to get swallowed up in the culture and spiral down a black hole. There's almost no wonder that two registrars recently took their own lives - self administering lethal quantities of drugs found in the hospital (although one of them, it seems, was after a relationship breakdown).

In the end, I am thankful to God for the opportunities He has given - I just hope that I can embrace them, know His will, and make the most of each one. Till next time, God bless!

Nostalgic timeglass...

Tonight, for some mysterious reason, I decided to look back upon my blog to its humble beginnings over a year ago, and think about change. This is the beauty of blogs, or of diaries, indeed - of any written record of thoughts contemplating the future. One can look back, reflect, and gaze as if through a timeglass, into the thoughts of the one that was. And predictions are borne out or falsified, resolutions are kept or broken, moods and thoughts develop. All these things seem far more interesting than a simple snapshot, a cross-section in time, that flashes a vivid picture and then is suddenly no more. But it's amazing to look back and see change. And it's even more amazing to think that our God, who transcends time, has view of all these things at once!

This bug has undergone a lot of change in the 14 months since this blog started, that's for sure. Now no longer "just a student", but a "doctor"; perhaps a couple of kilos lighter and less obsessed with chocolate; in Mildura and not Melbourne; with Sal on the other side of the world; owning a new car. The list could go on for a while. But so many of those changes are far less important than the changes inside - although it would be wrong to say that changes inside are independent of these external ones.

I think one of the biggest changes is my becoming far busier. Being busy, I think, has caused me to grow in the world's sense of the word "grow". This far into work as an intern, I've had to take a quantum leap in mindset to deal with being directly responsible for patients' welfare. Working life is also time consuming with most shifts lasting ten hours, and some lasting well over that. Sometimes, I'll come home from work and simply be so exhausted that all I'll do is flop on the bed and dream of sleep. And then I'll wake up in the morning, lights still on, my clothes still on, and look at the clock - panicking at the fact I need to be at work in under half an hour! Thanks to God, I haven't yet been late for a shift (well, not excessively so, anyhow). So far, I've learnt to deal with these things, and I'm definitely improving with regard to time management. Certainly, in the emergency department, one learns how to be efficient (although it may not seem so to the patients - who, understandably, have to put up with exorbitant waiting times while we wait for beds to become available, and for pathology to process our blood results, or radiologists to report scans - leading to the prevalent sighs of doctors in the department, "oh, where are my bloody bloods!") Indeed, times can be frustrating - but we grow up and learn how to deal with frustration, become desensitised, and become far more machine-like. Even out of work, there is little time spare to cater for our domestic needs (some would argue cravings) - time spent shopping, eating, sleeping, and surfing the net (probably one of my worst timesinks!). It leaves little room for thought, for dreaming, for imagination - the things that cause one to be both interesting and interested at the same time. And so it is with being busy.

I can't help but think that in all this, I've fallen a bit into a state of thought poverty. Instead of being busy thinking (as I was when I started Elkandren's Whisper), I find myself busy with a whole host of other things. Now, thought tends to take a back seat. Far from being foremost in my mind, the quest for meaning, for answering interesting questions like "what better things are there for me to be thinking about than this?", takes a back seat to the incessant worries of how my patient from earlier on in the day is coping with the antibiotics I prescribed. Even dreams are themed on decisions about a patient's management. And then, as exemplified by one of my patients just yesterday (who spontaneously reverted from atrial fibrillation back to sinus rhythm), the vast majority of patients we deal with would get better anyway, and 90% of the time we're intervening for no good reason.

And see, as I grow older, I become more cynical. Kids don't have this same level of worry, and they are full of the most interesting thoughts. Adults are weighed down by terrible grievances, age only wearies them, and woe betide them about every little thing that goes on! There's no wonder that ketamine is such a great drug in kids, and such a poor drug in adults. It's an anaesthetic whose effect includes that of inducing dreams. And it's the adults who come out from under its influence complaining of the worst nightmares, while children enjoy floating on clouds, seeing fields of flowers, and their favourite animals. Kids set for us an example that goes far beyond their cuteness and innocence, what adults often call "ignorance". We should be more like children, with an open mind - as Jesus taught us, we ought to come to Him as children, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

Perhaps in the end, I simply need to look at myself, take a breath, take a step back, and reflect. Jesus took many sidetracks along His journey to the cross, paying attention to things around Him, taking time out for prayer and contemplation, all the while on a life mission infinitely more important than my medical career! I need to follow His example more closely, and make once again more time for thought and reflection, for attending to the details that He has put in our lives, the many ways He reveals Himself to us every day. When I look back at the start of my blog, I realise how I was able to grow (in the true sense of the word) so much at the time - through reflection, reading God's word, and really seeking to dwell in Him. Although I have grown, it's important to know that now is no time to stagnate. I pray that God will help me continue to seek Him earnestly, and free up time to do so, to think on things which are important. I pray that God will help me continue to grow in the true sense of the word, God's wisdom, rather than in the worldly sense. And I hope that this blog, my public thought forum, will become far richer for it!

Quick update...

It's been a while since my last instalment, so I might as well take this pre-slumber window of time to write a quick blog update. I guess, basically, I haven't had the most exciting couple of weeks lately, hence haven't felt the need to write anything - mostly been working (did a hard seven day stretch last week, which was exhausting and depressing), but on the up-side have had a little time to catch up with some old friends who are in their final year of med school, enjoying their last taste of relative freedom before the relentless holiday-less stretch of work as an intern begins.

James and Eric spent Thursday evening up here in Mildura, unable to resist the temptation of good food and wine to be had at Stefano's! It was a real treat, six courses of really well prepared mediterranean food, ranging from the entrée cold meat and salad, to stuffed calamari, to lamb roast, and the almost oversweet caramel dessert. Each course was accompanied by a glass of hand-picked matching wine, whether they be local or imported from Italy. After the wining and dining, the food was allowed to digest while we turned our eyes heavenward and enjoyed the country starscape featuring Jupiter near the horizon - you can see jus so much more in the country!

Spent the weekend in Melbourne - the drive so tiring and exhausting, just over five hours by the most direct route, precluded me from fully enjoying the time. I'm sure it didn't help my attempts to play violin again. The last time I played would have been about two months ago! Even so, I had fun reacquainting myself with it, battling through the Mozart A-major concerto. Also, popped into uni - found out I'm going to be giving tutes in physiology, so I thought to brush up on that with a copy of Ganong - and at the same time got some Chinese books to start learning Chinese with. Am enrolled in evening courses, so I'm really determined to get started and learning again (I haven't taken Chinese lessons for 14 or so years now!).

Uni brings back so many memories of my time there. Even though I'm so new to working, it still feels so nostalgic, as if it were years and not months ago that I was there. More vividly, it reminds me of Sal - as we first met at uni, and spent a fair bit of our time together at uni, doing activities, or jus hanging out. I know that my time at uni wasn't always happy, but it remains that almost every memory I have as I walk around is a happy memory. I guess that's the same for most things when I try to look back - mostly the happy stuff stays in my head, and not many stressful or negative emotional memories at all. I wonder whether we are simply selective with what we remember? Or perhaps it's just that each time a stressful or negative event occurs, we magnify it so it dominates our thinking at the time? (and therefore, they aren't seen as significantly when we look back upon them) Or maybe our negative memories are selectively suppressed.

Am missing Sal heaps, more and more each day. Even more so when we webcam - somehow instead of necessarily bringing us closer, it manages to jus reinforce and emphasise the fact of our physical separation. Looking forward to the day when we don't need technology to see each other again.

Anywayz, off to sleep - haven't really said much this time, and am too tired to say any more really. If you're bored in the meantime, check out this set of riddles! Good luck!

Who am I in Christ?

I am...

A Child of God (Rom 8:16)
Saved by Grace through Faith (Eph 2:8)
Redeemed from the Hand of the Foe (Ps 107:2)
An Heir of Eternal Life (1 John 3:11-12)
Forgiven (Eph 1:7)
Led by the Spirit of God (Rom 8:14)
A New Creature (2 Cor 5:17)
Redeemed from the Curse of the Law (Gal 3:13)
Kept in Safety Wherever I Go (Isa 46:4)
Strong in the Lord and in His Mighty Power (Eph 6:10)
Living by Faith and Not by Sight (2 Cor 5:7)
Rescued from the Dominion of Darkness (Col 1:13)
Justified (Rom 5:1)
An Heir of God and Co-heir with Christ (Rom 8:17)
Blessed with Every Spiritual Blessing (Eph 1:3)
An Overcomer by the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of My Testimony (Rev 12:11)
The Light of the World (Mt 5:14)
An Imitator of God (Eph 5:1)
Healed by His Wounds (1 Pet 2:24)
Being Transformed by the Renewing of My Mind (Rom 12:2)
Heir to the Blessings of Abraham (Gal 3:14)
Doing All Things through Christ who Gives me Strength (Phil 4:13)
More than a Conqueror (Rom 8:37)

Mildura hit-and-run...

Weekend tragedy - five, and now six, teenage lives lost needlessly. First, the shock, and now the anger, spreads throughout the close knit small town. Many ask the question, why could this be allowed to happen? Why should they die, and their killer - a drunk man, driving with his child on his lap - live? The danger period is not yet over, physical scars still threatening fragile lives, and emotional ones running still deeper, and lasting far longer.

I was fortunate not to be on shift when this happened, but far away in Melbourne, meeting the students I will be tutoring this year. The hospital had been packed, a kind of controlled chaos, taxing on all involved - doctors, nurses, ambulance, not least the victims and their families.

Whenever a tragedy like this hits, it is a sobering reminder of how small we are in the universe. Without warning, lives are taken away, and it could happen to anyone at any time - yet the universe continues on its course, predominantly unfazed by the transition of a speck of life (of light, of hope, of love) into eternal disappearance. We are made to feel so insignificant, yet our feelings are so great and true, that we cannot reconcile our existence with such an abrupt destiny. Can it be that life exists no more, beyond death?

Call it my stubborn denial, or refusal, or whatever - but God's message is a reassuring reminder to me that, in death, we are joined in heavenly reunion with our Creator. And this, I hope and pray, is the destiny of those who died on the weekend. Jesus died, but He also rose again from the grave to appear before at least 5,000 individuals after His death, in one of the best documented controversies of ancient history. In Christ, we have hope in this world, and much more - we have a certain future with God. Only in His love can we rest peacefully tonight.

-----
On a much brighter note - I received Sal's Valentine's card yesterday, so cute, so beautiful! Despite our distance, it's so awesome that love refuses to be bound by physical constraints. Thanks for all your love, ladybug!

End of another week - start of another weekend...

Phew, today the hot weather returned! Just as the Commonwealth Games torch arrived in town, it was boiling enough outside without needing to heat up even more with a flame! The main mall in town was all closed off, along with some of the main streets, but hardly seemed like the whole town was there - jus a small crowd for the stageshow, and another small crowd watching the watermelon eating competition. Traditional Samoan and Pacific Island dancers shared acts with Koori troupes, with quite fascinating costuming and energetic choreography.

Energetic was quite the opposite of how i've been feeling most of today tho - last night completed a 15 hour day, from start to finish, and flopped on my bed, woke up at 6am this morning with my clothes still on and the room still bright! Had to still start early today - but thankfully, I have the next 3 days off (yay, can Skype with Sal 2moro!) - and am going back to Melbourne, to meet the first year students for my first official tutoring job at Queen's college.

Today - did my first lumbar puncture. Too scared as a student to do one, but then again most hospitals had policies that students weren't to be doing LPs anyway. The lady was quite large, so identification of the landmarks was quite difficult - but the needle went in fine after one first attempt hitting bone. Unfortunately, even with the needle (which is a pretty impressive needle, abt 15cm long) all the way to the hilt, all that dripped out was blood (known technically as a "bloody tap"), so it wasn't helpful in the end - the lab rang back saying that they couldn't analyse the sample. Poor lady, wouldn't wish that upon anyone - tho her condition was so terrible anyhow, after presenting with an indeterminate cause for altered conscious state, she's now requiring intensive care for airway management. For the rest of my patients, the news was far better - some category two patients I had the pleasure of sending them home with good news and no need for hospital admission. Needless to say, they were also very pleased about the results.

Anywayz, off to sleep soon, am yawning incessantly - at least I have a flight ahead tomorrow instead of a long energy-sapping drive. Till next time, au revoir, and God bless!

Melbourne weekend...

Hey all, back in Melbourne now, if only fleetingly. Quite enjoying the relaxation and having home cooked meals again, catching up with family, and catching up with some (much needed) piano practice! Haven’t touched an instrument for so many weeks, so it was quite awkward and tense playing the first few scales and finding my coordination isn’t anything like what it used to be! I needed three goes just to get my hands together playing an E-flat major scale! Shuddering at the thought of how horrible my technique will be when the ten weeks in Mildura ends, and I have access to a piano once again. Thankfully, the hands still remember a few little pieces, including most of the first movement of Beethoven’s violin/piano sonata No. 1, which I’ll hopefully have in a somewhat more practised state when Sal gets back in a few months.

My parents and brother haven’t changed a whole heap. My room at home is still the controlled mess I left it in a few weeks ago – papers and envelopes scattered across the desk waiting for my delayed attention, a credit card statement with a daunting due payment, calendars and books, a bedside table emptied of all the photos, books and objects that I cling tightly to whenever I travel. My parents were eager as ever to share in the spoils of my first couple of paycheques, and we enjoyed a yum cha lunch at Shark Fin, our usual hideout. They’re also hanging out for the dinner at Stefano’s when they come visiting Mildura. As for my brother, he’s finally learnt to come to grips with driving the Magna (our sixteen year-old car – ah, so many memories!), and he continues to throw confusion into his diurnal rhythm, out at night til late visiting friends or partying, then coming home and waking up with the birdcalls in the morning.

Have been asked by so many people about how I’m finding intern life. Apart from being still under a hill (no longer a mountain) of annoying paperwork, I feel things are slowly being sorted out. I’m getting used to the whole working routine, although the mood is still one of groaning and reluctance each morning. Facing the day, waking up alone, knowing Sal is half a world away, is often depressing. But I know that I need to overcome this spectre of gloom and be thankful for the countless blessings I share in. I have a poster and a cross on the wall of my room in Mildura that remind me of my identity in Christ – they’re a great source of encouragement when I feel down, and help me get out of bed in the morning.

Once out of bed though, there’s no time really to stop and think about things – just make sure that I’m fed well enough, making myself presentable, and then fronting up at the Emergency Department, ready for another day. I think the biggest challenge is just remaining calm and trusting in the training we’ve received over the years, when confronted with such variety – anything from the chronic hypochondriac, to cardiac arrests, to traumas, to suicidal patients. The other day, I had to do my first seclusion order, which is when a doctor is required to assess a patient in seclusion room from medical perspective. In summary, check their pulse, breathing, hydration, alertness and orientation, and whatever other medical problems they might have. It sounds scary when one wonders about why on earth the patient was put in seclusion in the first place! Usually, they’re aggressive or unstable, and the doctor comes with a mini army of other personnel to help bring any trouble under control, should it arise. But the patient I was called to assess was quite docile and cooperative when I arrived, sick of being cooped up in a blank room. The poor girl, about my age, was already on such a long list of medications – it’s not surprising that her personality’s so unstable when she’s on so many psychotropic drugs.

The bulk of an intern’s work, though, is clerical. Requesting X-rays, chasing pathology results, documenting cases, reading old histories, researching management options, writing letters to GPs, and organising consultations with specialists, all takes up far more time than actually seeing the patients. It can be frustrating (for patients as well), especially in the cases where more time is spent waiting for results to come back than actually doing things. That said, I’m very fortunate to be working in the emergency department, since it offers such a great opportunity to see an incredible variety of patients (complete with interesting personalities and stories to tell), to do procedures of all sorts (plasters, sutures, needle and surgical drainage of abscesses, IV cannulation, fracture reduction), and to learn from it all.

Back to Mildura tomorrow, armed with a stack of new CD’s for the long drive up, and hopefully refreshed for another week in the sunny orange land. Till next time, God bless!

Long time, no blog...

Long time, no update! Weeks later, I finally get internet at the flat here in Mildura. Not in my room though, have to come across to Sharon's for wireless access - we speculate it's probably the people immediately downstairs from her room who probably have the wireless router. Theoretically, I could sit outside and use it too, just that here where the average top temperature has been around 40 degrees Celsius, one would much rather be inside where there is air-conditioning. Thanks to our anonymous neighbours for having internet that we can piggyback on and use! ;p

This is my third week now of working here. Am working in the Emergency Department in this intriguing hospital - one of a rare breed of privately run public hospitals (who ever thought of such a system before?). The result of this arrangement is that we end up with a nicely furnished facility that looks quite homely, mismatched with an antiquated computer system (it took 10 minutes to recover when there was a power blackout) on which to get results, look up patient details etc. The ED work here is very much like a general practice mixed in with only the odd serious case (what would be far more commonplace in a big city hospital), since there are so few bulk-billing doctors here in Mildura. So we end up dealing with a lot of coughs, colds, cuts, and such like, we need to get adjusted to the mindset of sending a patient away from hospital with almost no intervention quite a lot of the time. As students in big city hospitals, we've become far more accustomed to admitting patients, giving drips, IV medications and fluids, operating, and having patients rapidly go downhill with hospital acquired infections, that sending the patient away having hardly done anything is actually quite a difficult thing to get the head around. That said, there have been several serious cases - some of mine have been admitted with surgical problems (e.g. two appendiceal abscesses, one with obstructive jaundice), and a couple with medical problems (one with atrial flutter, another was a lymphoma patient with anaemia for management). One patient I've had to transfer to Adelaide for further investigation, and one wanted to be transferred to the private hospital. Even the cushy furnishings of Mildura Base weren't luxurious enough - or perhaps the prospect of being examined and interviewed by students wasn't appealing.

Oh, that's another thing we've had to get used to. As interns, we now have some responsibility for the education of our future medical professionals (oh dear)! I have to say though, I quite enjoy having students to teach. They ask me questions, I supervise procedures, and at the same time I keep learning. They're very nice too - the two ED students are both Christians, whom I saw at Church on Sunday, and it's refreshing to see this side of their personality, a good reminder that they (and I) are not limited in our identity with the medical profession. Even the more senior doctors (the registrars, not the consultants) have been very sociable with us, we've been to several dinners, even the local Irish pub. One of the surgical registrars surprised me with a medical history including gout (likely alcohol-related) and his seemingly insatiable smoking habit. One of the consultant surgeons had been similar, but now chews gum in lieu of lighting up. His wife had died of smoking-related cancer of the lung.

So, what is there to do around Mildura? Small country town - yes. But the surroundings are rich with famous wineries, Lindeman's and Trentham Estate among them. Have a bottle of Lindeman's port here, waiting for the perfect dessert to accompany. And what better to accompany some of the country's finest wineries than some of the country's finest restaurants! Several decades ago, a man named Stefano de Pieri settled in Mildura and began cooking. His humble Italian restaurant became the talk of the town, and a restaurant became an empire. If you're enjoying fine food in one of Mildura's many restaurants, then chances are you're eating in one of Stefano's. The Avoca was our venue last Wednesday, an idyllic double decker boat on the Murray river, and the cuisine was quite special - fettucine Gorgonzola with antipasto, Barramundi from the river, and the softest crème caramel I've tasted - a real culinary delight. Then there is Stefano's itself, the pinnacle of dining in Mildura. That's for another time, and we will see whether the restaurant lives up to its boast as the only three-hat restaurant in the state outside of Melbourne.

When we're not working or eating, it's swimming. The heat here can be quite amazing. It was like going to Montréal, thinking we could handle the weather, and ending up spending several days inside because it was simply too cold. Likewise, here, we thought we could handle the Mildura heat - apart from the fact that it keeps topping the weather forecasts, we'd put up with 40+ degree days before in Melbourne. It couldn't be too bad. But coming here is another thing entirely, and 40+ for day after day with no relief is quite unbearable! Most of the days, thankfully, have been spent indoors one way or another. Many of them were spent working. But swimming can be done for $5 in the indoor pool (which would be considered quite a hot pool by most people's standards, but is really cool relief compared to the outdoor heat), or for free in the Murray River. The river is actually quite nice to swim in, apart from the fact that visibility is so short underwater. It's not the cleanest river around, but much better than the Yarra for sure! Still, there's often an influx of earache patients after a hot day - history of swimming in the river, ear pain. Luckily I have managed to escape the otitis externa so far.

Have seven and a half weeks left here. Mostly things have been enjoyable so far, but not always. Sometimes I'm bored. Sometimes it's lonely. Sometimes I feel like breaking and sleeping and not waking up for weeks. Or going on a long drive back to Melbourne for not much reason at all. And I miss Sal heaps. Sometimes all I want is her smile, her presence, to hug her. But I know that God will carry me through. We've survived so far, and at least we can look forward to seeing one another again.

Enough for one blog. Hope to write again soon. Til next time, God bless!

Off to Mildura...

Tomorrow I'm leaving for Mildura, to begin my first day as a responsible doctor in a hospital, an emergency intern. It's a position feared by many, sounding ominous on paper (to be working in the emergency department in a rural area), but it's actually not as bad as it sounds. We're actually quite well supported in our role, the consultants who supervise us are understanding, and it's an excellent opportunity for learning and development. I hope that it turns out to be that way.

Another thing is the seven hour drive, and scorching heat. Buried in the northwest corner of Victoria, Mildura is famous for its heat, averaging a maximum of 32C in January, and recording a highest ever temperature in excess of 50C! I hope there's not too much hostile weather, or else I'll find myself working overtime.

The job itself sounds quite cushy, averaging 41 hour weeks (contrast that with the 60+ hour weeks some of my friends are starting off with!), every second weekend off and occasional weekdays off. We also get two return flights paid for, which is a bonus. Also, Sharon is coming up to work in the surgery team! So, at least I'll always have a close friend nearby. Praying for a safe drive up, hoping for good weather.

Enough about work - today is a day of celebration! Congratulations to Pearl and Martin on their marriage! It was a beautiful wedding - although today was just formalities to register marriage in Australia, there was a video of the ceremony in Korea, everything from the procession, taking of vows, photo shoots, traditional Korean music, and all sorts of traditional Korean ceremonial manoeuvres that I didn't fully understand with lots of bowing, pouring and sipping of drinks. Pearl's wedding dress was like out of a fairytale, and she was made up to near perfection with her hair done up in a traditional wreath like a halo above her angelic face. It was interesting, the move from the more Western formal Church ceremony to the traditional Korean ceremony. The bride had to exchange her dress for a coloured silk gown, as did all the other women in the family. Another cross-cultural touch was the playing of Pachelbel's canon on Korean stringed instruments.

Best wishes to you both, Pearl and Martin! May God bless you with many happy years together, overflowing with love, and honouring Him who created you!

Time now to sleep. Oh, lonely sleep, without Sal around. Am missing her so much. It's really so true, the saying that home is where the heart is. I feel like a stranger in this house sometimes. Anyhow, next time I update, I'll probably be in the land of oranges and wine, Mildura. Till next time, God bless!

Oh, back now...

Have arrived once again in Melbourne, came back a couple of days ago. I'm a picture of tiredness and lack of motivation - jet lag? or more like the kind of blues that sets in when you miss someone so much? I don't think it's yet fully hit me, the truth that I'm no longer overseas and on holiday, spending every moment with Sal. I mean, it's obvious to me, but I'm still like a stunned mullet, simply swimming along in the stream of time, but doing little more than existing. Activities of life are more like chores now without Sal around to share them with. Other things - like sorting out my medical registration, setting up my bank account, talking to the people at Queen's to arrange accommodation for the year - get done out of sheer necessity. But when I'm doing things like that, I'm able to put on a successful façade of cheeriness, putting my true feelings behind me to simply observe and not interfere.

Sal, it's such an emptiness without you. Time passes so slowly now, while the past month seemed to go like a flash. Around you, everything seemed so much more vibrant and exciting, the mundane became thrilling, and it was awesome simply to discover all sorts of things during our adventures together. I guess I recognise that this had to come eventually, where I'd have to come back here and work, and leave you to study there. Maybe I wasn't prepared for the emotional difficulty, but I'm sure things will get better as time goes on, and the time draws closer to your return.

There's no shortage of stuff to deal with here at home though. While we were away, a pile of letters accumulated on my desk for me to deal with, most things dealing with starting work next week, one 21st invite for this Saturday (the RSVP was two weeks ago), and a few other bits and pieces. So I still have been running around doing things during the day, and today I officially became registered as a doctor. Just in time for work. Am slowly making my way through the papers, phonecalls, etc. to set everything in place. So much effort required just in this transition period, and I'm glad to have accommodation pretty much already sorted out so I don't become snowed under by all that as well. Coming back to Melbourne has also meant a return to the land of hay fever. I didn't count, but as I tried to return to sleep this morning (having woken up a bit too early) I sneezed about thirty times straight! I hope to adjust to this soon.

Shall sign out now. Thank God for His comfort, and the sense of perspective that we gain by looking to the cross and putting Him at the centre of our lives.

Busy, busy...

Long time, no post! It's been such a busy time, travelling, seeing sights, packing, sleeping, eating. Just no time for blogging! But this is taking a crazy moment out from the busy-ness, at 12am, first day in Montreal, to write a little word about what we've been doing.

Our itinerary so far, just to sum up - New York for a week, Toronto for 4 days, Montreal.

The mix of places has been quite interesting, and varied. New York is the busy engine town, everyone set about their business, very efficient, but at the same time, very impersonal in its nature. If I had to sum up New York in one word, it'd be HUGE! The largest city so far, it stretches enormously north, south, east, west, and up. Put the tallest building in Melbourne among the buildings of New York, and it'd be inconspicuous. That said, there's so much to see, it's impossible to expect to do New York to any degree of detail in a week. Most of our time was spent at the major attractions, such as the Statue of Liberty, World Trade Centre (its remains, rather, ground zero), Empire State Building, Central Park, Metropolitan Museum of Art, and the American Museum of Natural History. If the USA ever had a reputation of wanting everything big, well, they deserve it.

Toronto is far more Melbourne-like, at least where it comes to scale, and also the friendliness of the people. Everyone is so approachable, willing to help, and the atmosphere far more relaxed. There's just so much less to be concerned about, and you feel really quite safe. Niagara Falls is just a short drive away (though the time might vary depending on weather conditions). When we got there, the weather wasn't too bad, just very misty and cold. But after lunch, a step outside left us all soaked because of the hostile rain! We decided to see the falls from behind them, from within a network of tunnels. It's quite scary, the thundering sound is overwhelming. We're left with a sense of wonderment and awe, although this might've been dampened by the sheer hostility of the cold and mist, which left the trees of the nearby forest snap frozen (and that might've been us too, if we'd stayed outside much longer). Went also to Inniskillin Winery - ice wine is something to taste, if you've never done so before! Just be prepared for the assault of sugar upon sugar, but the fruits are so nicely mixed, and a tiny amount satisfies the tongue after dessert.

Which leads me briefly to Montreal, which strikes me as a confusing mishmash of French and English. I don't know whether to make myself at home with English (perhaps with a slightly americanised accent), or to try my (very appalling) French. Alternatively, I'll let Sal do the talking, she seems to cope pretty well in French anyhow, although her French was described by the cab driver as more French than the locals. Alas, after the hot steamy bedroom (due to uncontrollable heating vents) in Toronto, it's a welcome change to have a comfy, albeit very cosy, room here. Will try out the bed tonight!

Have to comment on the weather. Ice, ice, ice. It's been following us around. First day in New York was the first day of snow they had there. Then we had the worst snowstorm Toronto has had so far this season. Niagara Falls had the most frigid, icy weather that our tour guide has yet seen in his career. If the trend continues, then predict ice for Melbourne in January when I land back!

Anyhow, lastly, but not least, have to say a big thanx to Sal's relatives in New York, and Stef in Toronto, for showing us around their respective cities. And of course, to God, through whom all things are possible. And He gives us blessings beyond belief. I pray that all of you are also enjoying a great festive season, and best wishes for our Lord's birthday, and for the New Year, if I don't write by then!

Cheers & God bless!

End of six years...

The conclusion of my six years of medical training has arrived at last! In a couple of weeks, I'm going to be officially a doctor, scary as that may seem! Dr me, hmmm, at least we've been fairly well trained to deal with the situations we'll get into next year, however daunting they may seem. But it's still with some sense of anticipation and trepidation that I'll be stepping into the hospital environment next year alongside many others, with a newfound sense of responsibility, the guise of studenthood shed, and the mantle of great expectations placed firmly on our shoulders.

Anyhow, a couple more weeks till summer! And yet so busy, organising loads of things. Including something that'll take me away from the warmth of summer and plunge me into the icy depths of the coldest winter I'll have experienced. Yes, Canada beckons, complete with ice capped mountains and snow showers, and a white Christmas!

Don't really have any creative motivation right now. And have a couple of interviews tomorrow, and need to do research. Hopefully will write a longer, more interesting update sometime later ;p God bless!

One week to go...

Last week of undergraduate medicine ahead now! So I'll embark on another week of general practice in Mornington, a term that's truly served to rekindle my optimism about medicine as a career, and reopening general practice as a long term option. I really have nothing to complain about in my life, in fact am feeling so blessed by God about almost everything - so those of you who only really enjoy reading blogs filled with anguish, complaint and confusion, there's not much in this one for you!

Oh, I do have one gripe, hay-fever. It's getting me. My nose is like a river, dammed back only by antihistamines, and an endless chain of tissues. Sniff, sniff.

In a week and a half, I'll have pretty much finished med! It still hasn't fully struck me that I'll be doing this for the rest of my life. My head's undergoing a constant reshuffling, helping me adapt to this mindset, and I'll yet have to keep getting used to the responsibility of a doctor, looking after the lives of patients. And the whole idea that I'll be out of home, earning money - it's something I don't yet know how to imagine well, but I know and pray that God will look after me in this transition.

Other events-wise, will be going to Canada with Sal next month! Really looking forward to it, the cold winter, the long plane flights - but jus the freedom of a time to relax, feeling like there's no great hurriedness to deal with "right now!", and new and interesting places to explore. Toronto, Ottawa, Montréal, Québec City, and hopefully get to see some of the national parks - can't wait! God's creation looks wonderful in photos, but doubly amazing when experienced fully. It'll also be a really good opportunity for Sal & I to focus wholly on one another, and on the amazing graces given us by God.

Anywayz, enough abt me - rejoice in the Lord, who rains down blessings from heaven! He who created us knows us so well, He sets everything in place, down to the smallest detail. Because of this, we should have all trust in the love of our God, knowing that He is in control, and that He never forgets a single one of us. And all thanks to Jesus Christ, through whom we are able to understand and relate to our God as He wills, because of His perfect sacrifice!

Psalm 8

O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory
above the heavens.

From the lips of children and infants
you have ordained praise
because of your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger.

When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?

You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honor.

You made him ruler over the works of your hands;
you put everything under his feet:

all flocks and herds,
and the beasts of the field,

the birds of the air,
and the fish of the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.

O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!

An (almost) country practice...

As many of you know, I've just started my general practice rotation, which will be my final rotation as a medical student - if God wills, I'll be having exams after that and graduating at the end of this year! This is just a few short paragraphs I wrote about my first week at the practice, which I hope you find interesting!

I'm doing my rotation down in Mornington, about 50km from the city, a really beautiful area by the beach! The bright sunshine and the lazy pace of this beachside community are both reflected in the sunny, relaxed disposition of the staff at the clinic. Such a refreshing change from the early starts and rush of the city hospitals!

At this clinic, a stone's throw from the neighbouring Bays Hospital, there are six senior GPs and two registrars, four nurses, many friendly faces at the front desk, and many others behind the scenes. They service predominantly an elderly population, mostly of upper class, who come in with all sorts of complaints from the common ear niggle to frustratingly difficult-to-treat generalised pains. I recall a patient, thirty-something male, all neatly outfitted in a business suit, looking like he dropped in on his way to work. He complained of an occasional twinge in the ear. Cursory examination found no source of inflammation or focal lesion, and it was hardly distressing for him. The GP prescribed some drops for the ear, but other than that, the consultation was over within two minutes or so. The patient continued on his way to work. In stark contrast, another patient was a most interesting fifty-something man who looked more like eighty. He had so many medications, and a list of past history that filled the page, the sort of patient you would expect would require, at minimum, low level care. With profound weakness in all four limbs due to severe injury and deformity of his cervical spine, secondary to lesions of neurofibromatosis and steroid-induced osteoporosis (he also had a history of Crohn's disease), it was a wonder he could maintain any degree of independent mobility. But with his scooter and stick, he made his way around Mornington, and gets by with assistance from his daughter at home. The variety certainly keeps one guessing and interested in the job, from both the medical and psychosocial perspectives.

The nurses run the theatre, a small, three-bed room, reminiscent of a rural emergency department. Here, they and the doctors do (and provide me with opportunities to see and do) minor procedures, dressings, triage assessments, administration of injections (e.g. intramuscular, intra-articular) including immunisations, nebulisers and so on. Sometimes, I am allocated the third bed (which is in the room next door) to see patients by myself, which is a helpful exercise. This is also the place to catch up with the up-to-the-minute news of what transpires in the lives of each of the practitioners and their families! One of the doctors' rabbits had a baptism of fire - brought home from the shop, that night it escaped its pen and was mauled by the dogs. Poor rabbit, still battling to survive several days on. Not even the new medical student is exempt from ending up in the gossip channels. Most of them knew my name before I saw them, and rapidly found out about me having been to the same school as many of their children, my upcoming concerts, about my relationship, and about my planned trip to Canada! I think I should be careful what I let out of the bag.

The practice does mostly private billing, but bulk bills certain patients. It is good to see the doctors doing what they can to ensure that patients pay no more than they should, especially with regard to drugs and so on. I've learnt a lot simply through observing their discussions with patients about drug choice. It's easy to forget the financial burden of pharmaceuticals in the clinical setting sometimes.

Women's health day (Tuesday) was difficult for me, as a male medical student, with most of the women opting that I be excluded from their consultation. It's fair enough, of course. I don't plan on being an obstetrician or gynaecologist anyhow, but one of the female doctors with a special interest in women's health was kind enough to give myself and the registrars a tutorial ensuring that our pap smear technique is still competent.

One of the more surprising, but heartwarming, aspects of the practice was home visits (in addition to district nursing). My GP supervisor takes two or three half-days each week to drive around (in his huge four-wheel-drive, but it's necessary for getting around some bits of the region) and call on patients in their houses. He has some regulars, and some who need more intense follow-up at home after a visit to the hospital, or after a disease flare. Patients with mobility problems are given priority. Most home visits are unremarkable medically, mostly a brief "how are things going?", systems review, and filling prescriptions. But when I see these people in their natural habitat, I am provided with a wealth of information beyond what I would get in a consulting room. The fact that their house looks tidy, and doesn't smell, means they are really keeping quite well. And I get to see the luxury of many of the Mornington residents!

Enough babble from me. I never really gave GP much of a thought before. But this rotation, it's really growing on me. It has, in many ways, restored in me a faith in medicine (and the medical system) by showing me a more human side of the profession. I am refreshed to see doctors really connecting with and caring for their patients, and enjoying it too. I am thoroughly looking forward to the remainder of these five weeks!

Imitation of Christ

I discovered this unassuming little book in my local library about a week ago, marked with the appealing and familiar title "The Imitation of Christ", by the saint Thomas à Kempis (1380-1471). So I began reading. What a consuming work! What devotion a man can have to God! Its truth written so simply, yet so passionately, it draws one into intimate understanding of the relationship the author has with Christ, and his amazing joy and longing for the Kingdom of God.

There is one bit I'd like to share, on the nature of God's transforming love.

From "The Imitation of Christ" - Book 3 On Inward Consolation, Chapter 5 On the Wonderful Effect of Divine Love

Love is a mighty power, a great and complete good; Love alone lightens every burden, and makes the rough places smooth. It bears every hardship as though it were nothing, and renders all bitterness sweet and acceptable. The love of Jesus is noble, and inspires us to great deeds; it moves us always to desire perfection. Love aspires to high things, and is held back by nothing base. Love longs to be free, a stranger to every worldly desire, lest its inner vision become dimmed, and lest worldly self-interest hinder it or ill-fortune cast it down. Nothing is sweeter than love, nothing stronger, nothing higher, nothing wider, nothing more pleasant, nothing fuller or better in heaven or earth; for love is born of God (1 John 4:7), and can rest only in God, above all created things.

Love flies, runs, and leaps for joy; it is free and unrestrained. Love gives all for all, resting in One who is highest above all things, from whom every good flows and proceeds. Love does not regard the gifts, but turns to the Giver of all good gifts. Love knows no limits, but ardently transcends all bounds. Love feels no burden, takes no account of toil, attempts things beyond its strength; love sees nothing as impossible, for it feels able to achieve all things. Love therefore does great things; it is strange and effective; while he who lacks love faints and fails.

Love is watchful, and while resting, never sleeps; weary, it is never exhausted; imprisoned, it is never in bonds; alarmed, it is never afraid; like a living flame and a burning torch, it surges upward and surely surmounts every obstacle. Whoever loves God knows well the sound of His voice. A loud cry in the ears of God is that burning love of the soul which exclaims, "My God and my love, You are all mine, and I am yours."

Thanks and praise to our God, who is love! I found a site at which can be found the whole book, for anyone who wants to read bits online.

God bless!

Sickness...

I've caught the bug that's going around, so it seems. Fevers, sweats, cough and yucky mouth, muscle aches and pains, lethargy and weakness. It really only set in today, but I'm feeling a fair bit better through taking some rest and paracetamol. At the moment I'm taking a break from sleeping. ;p

Yay, Sally's back in Melbourne, since about a week and a half ago! It's been a while since last blog. I wonder why my motivation for blogging has dried up over time? I don't seem to be blogging anywhere near as frequently as I used to. But then again, I didn't always use to have such early starts, and I didn't use to have my timesink online game (utopia), so I probably used to have much more time to write!

Anyhow, utopia-wise, the current age is ending, so not spending as much time on it as I did a few weeks ago. We've just come out of hostile relations with another kingdom, and our province was absolutely shafted! We were being singled out as a target, and I made some silly errors of judgment that didn't help. I suppose, given the new ceasefire, we can now concentrate our efforts on destroying the dragon that ravages our kingdom. But for how long? I suppose it'll be over soon. And then we can begin a fresh start. Hopefully next age, we'll be controlling separate provinces within the same kingdom, which will be good for cooperation!

Real-life-wise, am doing my final week of surgical block! I'm with the trauma team, which means I see patients all the time who are not that different to myself (young, fit, healthy, no medical issues), and they come in with some horrific injuries from car and motorcycle accidents. It's a stark reminder just how vulnerable we are, and that anything can happen at any time! People mostly think of broken bones with trauma, but blunt injury to the abdomen caused by deceleration against an improperly worn seatbelt was what led to probably the most striking images I saw in operating theatre. The patient had been complaining of increasing abdominal pain, about a day after the accident. The day before, he'd had an arm fracture reduced and fixed, but the doctors became concerned about peritonitis with the abdominal x-ray showing subdiaphragmatic free gas. So he was taken to theatre for an exploratory laparotomy, and as soon as they opened the belly, there was the most dramatic rush of fluid and bubbles spilling out of the incision, and the nasogastric tube drew back a flood of foul black fluid, decompressing the stomach. Food seems to be a favourite for medical analogies - it was like a boiling pot under high pressure, and suddenly removing the lid, sending bubbles and liquid all over the kitchen floor. Today though, I arranged this guy's discharge from hospital, and he's probably now at home back to most of his daily routine, apart from just a bit of abdominal and arm soreness!

Anyhow, I'll probably be off now. Should get back to sleeping - I hope to be back to full functioning myself quickly. ;p Well, I'll sleep soonish. And sleep in tomorrow. Hopefully, armed with paracetamol, will be back to normal within a few days! Will leave with this passage from Philippians 4, on which we had a sermon on Sunday. When we feel snowed under with many tasks and worries, whether they be within or out of our control, and our troubles seem insurmountable, remember to cast all your anxieties upon Jesus Christ our Saviour, in whom we trust. God bless!

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

"I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:4-13

Missing ya

Sally is in Sydney. I already miss her heaps. Even though I know so much of it is irrational, it was almost traumatic to say goodbye - all the while knowing that I'll probably see her on Saturday! Who says guys aren't emotional?

Now I begin to see and understand why some couples I know (though most of them are married), find it such a difficult consideration to be apart even for just a few days. I used to find this astonishing, thinking, "oh what, it's just a few days, so what's the difficulty?" - until I face the situation myself. It's like a part of me is missing, because it left when the other person went away. And my emotions irrationally behave as if no return is in sight. And it just doesn't seem to occur to me that it won't actually be so long before next time I see her!

Time passes, or doesn't pass (as it seems), it's now Tuesday - it feels as if Monday, when Sal left, was ages ago. Like a few long days, not just one. Time is a funny thing - it seems to take itself when we are saddened, and it loosens itself and runs away when we have fun.

Miss ya heaps, Sal!