Driving force...

last sunday, our Church embarked on a journey called the purpose driven life, a program by which we are made aware of our God-given purpose in life over forty days, based on a book called "the purpose driven life" by rick warren... just started reading through the book, it's really quite thought-provoking, think i can gain a lot from it!!!

the day 3 chapter talks about what drives us, which i read yesterday, and this made me think... some people are driven by guilt, their actions are set about avoiding confronting that guilt; others driven by anger and resentment, actions set about seeking retribution or avoiding arousal of anger; others driven by fear, perhaps of taking risks and consequences, perhaps of stepping out of their comfort zone, perhaps of losing control; yet more are driven by materialism; still others driven by need for approval... there are people who describe the whole human endeavour we call "life" as being driven by the denial of death, i.e. survival, on either or both a species and individual level...

but as Christians, our driving force is none of these things... or ought to be... our driving force ought to be God, love for Him because of who He is and what He has done for us through Christ, and love for others both for who they are as God's creation and out of reverence for Christ... God and love... well, God is love, so really, ultimately, we can say that our driving force ought to be God... and what more amazing driving force can there be than God?!? we ought to be driven people, never lacking energy, because of this...

but yeh, i guess that's where i know i fall apart sometimes... i'm not always like that... i often lack energy, i sometimes find myself unable to give thanks to God in everything, when confronted by trials i fail to trust and love as i should... where does this leave me?!? it probably means that i'm not always driven by God as i should be, and find myself instead struggling with the other issues - guilt, anger, fear, need for approval and the like... why is this?!? living in a sin-contaminated world, i guess i slip back sometimes into difficulty struggling with these things, slip back to a short-sighted and short-term view of the world, and slip back into struggling with temptation to sin...

how then to deal with it?!?

it pulls me back to a passage from the sermon on the mount (yay for summit!!!) - which i've now decided to make my one thing to work on... it's about mindset, and comes from a passage that's already appeared a few times in my blog i think!!!

Do Not Worry
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:25-34

it's easy to say, "do not worry" (or do not be anxious)... but so hard to do... how can we not worry about our life?!? it's not a matter of simply absence of worry, but rather something else to concentrate on... it's also easy to say, but hard to do - the key lies in the verse, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness"... just try to think about God's kingdom for a moment... it is hard to think about!!! because it's so amazing, so much so that even a lengthy string of superlatives would be far inadequate to describe it...

"What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived—
these things God has prepared for those who love him" - 1 Corinthians 2:9

what's more, if you try to contrast this life with the next, our earthly treasures with heavenly treasures, we're trying to grasp the difference between tainted and unblemished, imperfect and perfect, temporary and eternal, finite and infinite... we cannot imagine it with our finite minds... it is only through God's Spirit that we can even begin to imagine things beyond our death, and it is only because of Jesus Christ that we know it is possible (but more than possible, it is certain!!!)... i like this bit from purpose driven life - "To make the most of your life, you must keep the vision of eternity continually in your mind and its value in your heart." God's flame never goes out, but we have to avoid being blinded by sin by continually concentrating on the flame...

so then, guilt and anger no longer hold sway, for sin is dead in Christ and we are forgiven... fear is conquered by love, and God is always with us... material motives become insignificant in light of the eternal, heavenly treasures in our eternal home... the need for approval of others is surpassed infinitely by the justification before God that we have by faith in Jesus... and death is no longer an end, but simply a transition into the life of unimaginable wonder!!!

i pray for God's strength, God's will, God's Spirit, God's love, to always be our driving force, in all circumstances!!!

God's plans...

i jus got the news yesterday that i missed out on my first preference of royal melbourne hospital, so will be doing my internship at western hospital in footscray next year... i ought to be happy, but part of me, for a day, refused to accept this verdict... part of me, for a day, decided that there had to be something wrong with me in order for me not to have been selected at the place i so genuinely wanted to be next year... part of me, for a day, wanted to hang on to the head-borne idea that so vividly played itself in my mind - me, an intern, working at the same hospital i'd been trained through for the last two years...

so my mind's been zinging, ka-chunking, splicing bits around in order to dismantle the idea, and replace it with a new one, intern at western hospital... i suppose i've today come to accept it a lot better than i had yesterday... for a day, i was in a horrible mood, and must have been terrible company... for a day, i grieved myself, as if my worth were determined by my selection at a particular hospital... for a day, i failed to trust that God has much greater plans than my own...

today's odb has been particularly pointed, and refreshing, in light of this... it talks about God's mysterious plans...

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

thank God that He is in control, and not us!!! i pray that God will help me not only accept this departure from my set ideas of before, but will help me use this unique and wonderful opportunity to grow to get to know Him better, and to serve in my capacity, as well as possible, the patients i'll be treating next year... i know that the experience will be a good one, and will turn out in a few years' time, wherever i'll be, to have been a greater blessing than i can possibly imagine...

for now, i think, i'll leave with the couplet from today's odb:

"My times are in my Father's hand;
How could I wish or ask for more?
For He who has my pathway planned
Will guide me till my journey's o'er." - Fraser

Summit ;p ...

it's really hard to describe how i feel right now... kinda mixed emotions, on top of the world, and at the same time, trying to come to grips with the sad realities of the world i've returned to... it's like returning from another land, a land where ppl with a common purpose come together, a land far removed from the harsh reality of sin and greed that so dominates so much of this world... a land where God is exalted and brought into exclusive focus, where He ought to be in our lives... ;p

summit was such an enriching experience - for those who don't know, it's a camp run by melbourne uni's christian union where around 100 ppl gather and learn abt God, through studying His word... each year, there's a theme, and it happens that ethics was the topic of the week with an eminent bioethicist (douglas milne) and one of the pastors from st jude's (mike flynn) being the two principal speakers... bioethics was interesting, with topics such as ivf, embryonic stem cells and transplantation discussed, among other things...

the sermon on the mount was the key text (matthew 5-7), an amazing account of the teaching of Jesus, where He expounds on the law of God and the principles behind it... it talks about what really counts, the attitudes of the heart, the secret part of us that only God can truly see... it talks about the lofty standards of the life that God calls us to... it warns against the lure of worldly rewards, money and so forth, and against wrong conditions of the heart such as pride, hypocrisy and selfishness... and it speaks also of the great promise of God, that for all who follow Him, we are to be part of His family... ;p

i won't go into any real details about that here and now, am so tired from driving and sleeplessness... ;p but hopefully will have some time to concentrate on it over the next few weeks... so watch this space!!!

so where was summit?!? in the sleepy town of marysville, a lazy hour's drive past healesville, and jus half an hour shy of the white haven that is lake mountain... ;p i think it's such a gorgeous place, set so high up in the hills, and the steavenson's falls are a picture of magnificence among the misty green surrounds of the beautiful marysville state forest... ;p photos to come!!! - the falls were so amazing i'd been there four of the seven days we had for summit!!! it's an eerie sight by night, the blue glow of the floodlight looking quite radioactive, and wowing all the crowds that gather... it's quite a romantic hotspot, apparently... one of the christian union staff workers had intended to, and almost did, propose to his then girlfriend at the falls!!! ;p well, yeh, almost... it wasn't to be, not yet... but they are now married, several years down the track, and they have three of the cutest kids i've seen!!!

we'd visited the night falls vista with a fairly large group from the camp... we were blessed with a mostly rainless night, but the cold weather ensured we were shrouded in layer upon layer of wooly material anyway, scarves and beanies, and seeking each other's warmth... sal & i were among the first to end up at the platform that offered the closest vantage point, and we were simply content to hold each other and listen to the sound of water crashing upon the rocks below... there's such a sense of timelessness when surrounded by nature!!! it wasn't long before one of the staff workers and his wife appeared on the opposite side, and though it was dark, it wasn't hard to work out what they were doing, providing some amusement for a time, until their flashlight came and fell upon us, revealing our wool-clad embrace... oh well... i figured most ppl had come to look at the falls anyhow, so we didn't mind ;p

another time we explored the falls, we climbed to the top, trudging through mud-puddles most of the way up the steep incline... climbing was exhausting, but it was interesting to observe the vast landscape from a higher viewpoint, and the mystery of the mountain peaks hidden by an expanse of cloudy mist rolling across the sky... at times it seemed we were only a few metres from the cloud line!!! at the top we were greeted by the rushing waters of the top of the falls, whooshing over the edge to the rocks below... a sign somewhere said it was about 80m tall, but it's not one single waterfall, but rather a series of fall after fall, from the top (where we were this time) to the bottom (where we had been the other night and days)...

such immense beauty surely is the work of God!!! ;p i guess i can imagine that it somewhat resembles what the first man and woman would have experienced in God's garden, nature so minimally impacted by man, life abundant without worry, and a vista that somehow jus brings forth indescribable waves of joy... with sal, the woman i love, by my side... jus the sort of way i'd want to spend eternity...

so sad having to leave... coming down the windy road back to the big smoke again, i felt a tug pulling me back towards the mountain... but i have to say, having been blessed with so many wonderful memories, friends, time relaxing, and above all, time getting to know God, i'm so happy for this escape which has been one of the best weeks of my life!!! ;p

-

ps... read sal's blog!!!

Unending praise...

;p a wave of relief overcomes me today as i realise the finality of exams after a long, long semester!!! was already 3 weeks ago when sal started holidays, now we only have a few days really for ourselves, then back to busy other commitments... summit starting on saturday (so looking forward to it!!!), and going for a week!!! well, things really aren't so bad then, yah?!?

this morning, as i set off for the exam, walked out of the house to realise the return of clear, blue skies for the first day in many!!! thank God that we'd been spared the rain during the daytime most days, but still the days had been gloomy and overcast... today though, blue was seen in more than jus a small patch of the sky... there was hardly a cloud to be seen!!! revealing in God's creation below the full beauty of nature...

really, creation is a hymn of perpetual motion singing the praise of God... ;p and so too ought our lives be... as humanity strives to discover truth and attain perfection, it's often so easy to acknowledge our setbacks and get caught up in the avoidance of pitfalls that we miss the beauty that clothes our existence... this unending hymn of praise, that even now is but a poor reflection of the perfection that is to come... ;p kinda like this passage in 1 Corinthians 13:8-13

"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

it's like looking at a rainbow, but focusing on the distance between us and the rainbow... looking so far can make us vulnerable to feeling depressed and low, missing the point that there is a rainbow to be marvelled at... and all we do is try to get closer, all the time despairing that it eludes our clutch by so far... maybe for now, we ought to simply stand and behold the rainbow, its immense beauty...

so what's it all abt?!? i guess i'd been despairing upon setbacks and how things could've been better, all the while missing the simple truth that there is so much there to be happy abt and to look forward to... praise God that He is the rainbow to behold in our lives ;p